Pieces of a Puzzle

Does your life ever feel like a jigsaw puzzle? There are all of these pieces that need to fit together to make it whole. Sometimes, somone comes by and bumps the table the puzzle is sitting on and a piece falls out of place? I'm feeling like some of my pieces have been misplaced.

It's been a lonnnng week. The old adage it could always be worse has run through my head a lot since last Friday. Lots of stress at work. A parent who verbally attacked me and made me question my purpose for being in education. This is serious business for me because I have always felt I was placed in this profession by God. In ten years, I have never been treated like this. It has taken an emotional toll. This piece of my puzzle was taken by words. Wish I would have had it glued in better.

I've kicked in some intense workouts as a result. It makes me feel in control. On Tuesday I even tried running again. First time since hurdling the chair. I did sprints for 15 minutes and was pretty impressed with myself and at the same time a little concerned. October 9th is going to be here before I know it. That's the day I'm running a 5k with my sister. She's up to 2.7 miles. I have a lot of catching up to do. It's another piece I have to put into place.

This week I also started a new eating regmine prescribed by my loyal trainer. Eggs, oatmeal, asparagus, chicken, broccoli...that's about it. I've stuck to it. Tonight I went into the gym and guess where we started? The scales. UGH! And guess what else? They haven't moved! Trainer said he was concerned which FREAKED me out! But why should I be surprised? I've been fighting this battle for a flippin long time. It is absolutely ludicrous to me. Experts say it's simple...burn more calories than you eat. I might be the medical mystery in regard to this theory. So gang...I'm down...way down! Frustrated and sad. For my entire life I don't remember ever being able to find this piece of the puzzle. Yes, I've weighed less at times. Yes, at times I've been successful in losing. But this piece never stays in place. I feel like if I could find it this time I would be successful. Michael is giving me tools, courage, and emotional strength. I know if I could find it I wouldn't lose it, but where is it?

You know how Emeril says "Kick it up a notch!" Michael didn't say those words tonight, but it had to be what he was thinking in response to the number on the scale. I hadn't admitted to him that my foot was well enough to run yet because I wanted to have a little time to run on my own first. No such luck. There was running tonight. I begged and pleaded to not run. The gal on the treadmill next to me said she was amazed I could talk so much while running. I told her I could talk through anything. It's a true story. There does come a point in running where I feel like I'm going to die...okay...really this point comes the MOMENT I start running. it scares me bad. Anyway, running usually shuts me up. I have to put all of my focus on not falling off the treadmill. I did lots of lunging tonight too. I was light headed several times and at the end of the workout I couldn't even leave the gym. I had to sit down and catch my breath. It was intense. As I've said before and I'm sure I'll say again, Michael is a piece of the puzzle I've long been searching for. The more intense the workout and the more he challenges me the better I feel. This is more than one piece of the puzzle. It's several for sure.

As I'm blogging I'm wondering this (and I'm not sure I have the answer)...my confidence level was down tonight in the gym. Was it down because I was scared and threatened by the cardio? Was it down because I just want to give up because the scale isn't moving? or was it down because I'm just emotionally spent this week? Things to ponder I guess. Certainly something I have to figure out. I have to find this piece of the puzzle. It's necessary to put the whole thing together.