I told my trainer's daughter tonight that he gives conflicting messages sometimes. The other day he told me speed doesn't matter, it's the motion. Tonight, I'm on this abductor/adductor machine for my legs. They were on fire, people! On FIRE! And what is my command? "Faster, faster..." Speed might not have mattered last week, but evidently tonight it did. I think I forgot to mention that last session I did leg presses with 360 pounds. Quite a few actually. It was scary. I was worried I was going to drop it, but I didn't. When we were working my back he told me he wanted a cheat at the end. This means that I pull the weight down anyway I can get it down. His daughter said, "Why do you want her to cheat?" Thank You!!! My question exactly because I've been in trouble before for using my hips when I'm supposed to be using my back or shoulders. Here was his response, "It's okay for her to cheat when I tell her to. It's what I want her to do and how I want her to do it."
We ended tonight's workout with me doing 30 seconds of jumping jacks followed by dropping to the floor on my back and doing abs for 30 seconds repeated three times. Trainer was sitting on an exercise ball and the only other person in the gym, came up and grabbed another ball. As she was rolling it away she gave me a thumbs up and said, "Great job. You're awesome!" It made me feel so good. Then as she was leaving the gym, she said, "You did a great job." I'm telling you words of affirmation is certainly my love language.
Tomorrow morning I am going to Leawood to meet my Mom and Dad. Sandy can't attend, but Mom and I are walking the Free to Breathe 5k in honor of my uncle. I do think it might be a smidge chilly. As my dad said, "At least you and your mom will be walking and keeping warm." I advised him to wear a jacket. He's our photographer. It doesn't seem possible that we are about to start our fourth month without my uncle. It's really weird and unreal to me. Yesterday, I had a second grader asking me what I thought Heaven was like. I wouldn't have answered her if her mom weren't there. There is the whole church and state rule I have to adhere to. Anyway, this little girl...they had a young family member who died a tragic death and the little girl is really struggling with it. (I'm now sobbing typing this.) The little girl said, "Mrs. Bunch, do you think she hurts anymore? Does she have to worry about people being mean to her?" I told her that based on everything I know about Heaven there is no more pain, no more suffering. The Mercy Me song "I Can Only Imagine"...comes to mind. There is the peace I find when I start missing my uncle knowing that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. If you haven't heard the song...it's one of my favorites...
"Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in honour of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine"
Well friends...thinking about the second grader started me crying and now I'm thinking about other stuff and crying harder and I'm going to short the computer out if I keep typing because I am NOT okay at this moment...signing off for now!!!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Biggest Loser
Went to the dr today for this hideous allergy/sinus problem I've developed as a result of dust and mold. I was up most of the night itching and coughing. Feel like crud. Anyway, dr walks into the room looks at me and says, "Did you ever in your wildest dreams think this was possible for you?" No I never thought this was possible. According to his scales I'm officially down 15 pounds now. I whined that it needs to be coming off quicker, but doc is extremely happy and says one day I'm going to hop on the scales and it will just start falling off.
Now I've taken my drugs and am lying in bed watching Biggest Loser. I've been into this show since the Ali season. I've watched it religiously and thought wow what an opportunity those people have. I've picked up some tips, but have always thought I could never work out like that because I have a shoulder issue and some other back issues and I don't have time and a myriad of other excuses. Guess what? I'm doing it now. I've been crying through most of tonight's episode mixed with a little chuckling. As contestants have said, "I'm going to die or I can't do this"...I think in almost every training session I have I say, "I'm going to die." And I might even say it multiple times doing a workout. Yet, I also find myself relating to the guy on here who says you just have to put one foot in front of the other. You have to tell yourself you can do it...it's mental. ABSOLUTELY! SOOOO VERY TRUE! I used to be scared of the challenge, but I'm not scared anymore. Now I know I can. Now instead of feeling fearful of workouts, I feel like I'm never giving it enough. That feeling permeates throughout most of what I do in my life, but is intensified in this part of the journey.
Last season on Biggest Loser there was a gal that started out at a weight within three pounds of my weight. It scared me badly. Really bad. I couldn't bring myself to call the trainer because I was too fat to workout. That is what I thought. It was finally in desperation at the end of the Biggest Loser season that I made the call. Watching my favorite show has a whole new meaning for me now. It's gone to a whole new level.
The pushups we did last night...I did pushups with 140 pounds on my back. My chest not only scratches and burns on the inside from the allergy thing, but also is very sore because those pushups rocked it for me.
Now I've taken my drugs and am lying in bed watching Biggest Loser. I've been into this show since the Ali season. I've watched it religiously and thought wow what an opportunity those people have. I've picked up some tips, but have always thought I could never work out like that because I have a shoulder issue and some other back issues and I don't have time and a myriad of other excuses. Guess what? I'm doing it now. I've been crying through most of tonight's episode mixed with a little chuckling. As contestants have said, "I'm going to die or I can't do this"...I think in almost every training session I have I say, "I'm going to die." And I might even say it multiple times doing a workout. Yet, I also find myself relating to the guy on here who says you just have to put one foot in front of the other. You have to tell yourself you can do it...it's mental. ABSOLUTELY! SOOOO VERY TRUE! I used to be scared of the challenge, but I'm not scared anymore. Now I know I can. Now instead of feeling fearful of workouts, I feel like I'm never giving it enough. That feeling permeates throughout most of what I do in my life, but is intensified in this part of the journey.
Last season on Biggest Loser there was a gal that started out at a weight within three pounds of my weight. It scared me badly. Really bad. I couldn't bring myself to call the trainer because I was too fat to workout. That is what I thought. It was finally in desperation at the end of the Biggest Loser season that I made the call. Watching my favorite show has a whole new meaning for me now. It's gone to a whole new level.
The pushups we did last night...I did pushups with 140 pounds on my back. My chest not only scratches and burns on the inside from the allergy thing, but also is very sore because those pushups rocked it for me.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I Think I Can!
Weights...cardio...weights...cardio...weights...cardio! Heart pumping! It's perplexing that the workout begins with trainer saying, "I saw this workout once. I've never done it. I kinda want to see how it works." Are you kidding me? Then he wants to know why I was so quiet? I couldn't catch my breath long enough to form words. Not to mention, I think I was having a lack of oxygen to the brain and couldn't even form thoughts! I came home and collapsed. I was nauseous and my heart was still beating really hard 45 minutes after the workout.
I did have to draw the line tonight. We went outside at the end and I was reading his mind. I knew he wanted me to run up the hill. However, there were people sitting down there. I wasn't going to do it. I still have this fear of running. I have to overcome it. I know I do. I was doing so well until I hurt my foot and couldn't run for a while. Now it's total regression. I didn't have the confidence to run THE HILL in front of people. NO WAY! So he found another hill. It was a cruddy run. Wishing I would have hit it a little harder. Oh well...at that moment in time I thought I was going to collapse. I'm going to make it my goal to run at least 10 minutes each time I workout on my own. That's what I have to do. It can't be an option. NO EXCUSES! That would be 50 minutes of running a week. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...
I would love to type more, but I must read this stuff for class so I can start my paper.
I did have to draw the line tonight. We went outside at the end and I was reading his mind. I knew he wanted me to run up the hill. However, there were people sitting down there. I wasn't going to do it. I still have this fear of running. I have to overcome it. I know I do. I was doing so well until I hurt my foot and couldn't run for a while. Now it's total regression. I didn't have the confidence to run THE HILL in front of people. NO WAY! So he found another hill. It was a cruddy run. Wishing I would have hit it a little harder. Oh well...at that moment in time I thought I was going to collapse. I'm going to make it my goal to run at least 10 minutes each time I workout on my own. That's what I have to do. It can't be an option. NO EXCUSES! That would be 50 minutes of running a week. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...
I would love to type more, but I must read this stuff for class so I can start my paper.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Stress Release
Down two pounds and incredibly excited! All of the chicken and vegetables are paying off. Right now I have an incredibly intense craving for a blueberry muffin!!! Totally random...no idea where it came from, but hoping it will go away soon. I'm learning cravings too shall pass!
Friday I was driving around picking up donations for the "sweet" walk which was part of our school carnival that night. Isn't this ironic? She who loves a good cake has her car loaded down with them? A chocolate cake had my name all over it I was telling a coworker. She told me I needed to win it. I said, "Ha! What would trainer Mike say about that?" To which a person I shall name Mrs. Rude replied, "You work out with a personal trainer?" "Yes I do. I have been since May. I'm down 16.5 inches and 4 jeans sizes." "16.5 inches? (This is where NICE/SUPPORTIVE people reply...you should be so proud of yourself or way to go or really any positive comment. You are about to find out why this person is called Mrs. Rude!)WHOA! You must have started as a big girl!" I'm still not sure how you respond to that kind of comment. Luckily, this wasn't earlier in my training or on a bad day because it might have brought me to tears. However, I was pretty much able to blow it off. I did post it on FB and received NUMEROUS supportive comments from many friends. I have copied them and pasted them into a document in case I need support or in case when I see this person tomorrow I am tempted to knock a tooth out!
Speaking of knocking a tooth out! We have started adding a little martial arts mix into my workouts at the gym. I give kudos to Mike for even thinking to try this. He must be courageous because I am clutzy and uncoordinated. However, I LOVE it and enjoy every moment of it. My friend Amy and I took a martial arts class at our church for a while. Okay for maybe six weeks until everyone else was going to test for a belt and we weren't there yet. That was way different though. We were just learning some moves and "routines". Same thing with my Tae Bo DVD's. Now we are applying some things. What I've learned the hard way (by the way that's how I learn a lot of things so don't be surprised!)is you have to keep those hands up to protect your face. It should come as no shock to you that I now know this because I got hit in the face. TWICE! Once last week and once tonight! Readers, do not fret. I'm excited about this. Tonight after dinner my husband and I were sitting out front watching hummingbirds and he said, "Why is there a bruise on your eye?" I said, "That's where Mike hit me!" I quickly ran and looked in the mirror. I don't know if it will be a full fledged black eye in the morning, but there will more than likely be some explaining to do. I called my mom to ask her if I ever had a black eye in my list of injuries. She and my dad think this is a first. The three of us had an INCREDIBLE laugh on the phone. I am so happy I could provide this joy for them because our family has been under a lot of stress trying to get Grandpa's place ready for an auction. Have I mentioned that my grandma was a hoarder? It's waaaayyyy bad. Anyway, I can't wait until my next "boxing" session. I can't think of words to explain how invigorating it is. I have a lot of built up aggression and this is by far THE BEST release I have ever found. NOT KIDDING!!!
Friday I was driving around picking up donations for the "sweet" walk which was part of our school carnival that night. Isn't this ironic? She who loves a good cake has her car loaded down with them? A chocolate cake had my name all over it I was telling a coworker. She told me I needed to win it. I said, "Ha! What would trainer Mike say about that?" To which a person I shall name Mrs. Rude replied, "You work out with a personal trainer?" "Yes I do. I have been since May. I'm down 16.5 inches and 4 jeans sizes." "16.5 inches? (This is where NICE/SUPPORTIVE people reply...you should be so proud of yourself or way to go or really any positive comment. You are about to find out why this person is called Mrs. Rude!)WHOA! You must have started as a big girl!" I'm still not sure how you respond to that kind of comment. Luckily, this wasn't earlier in my training or on a bad day because it might have brought me to tears. However, I was pretty much able to blow it off. I did post it on FB and received NUMEROUS supportive comments from many friends. I have copied them and pasted them into a document in case I need support or in case when I see this person tomorrow I am tempted to knock a tooth out!
Speaking of knocking a tooth out! We have started adding a little martial arts mix into my workouts at the gym. I give kudos to Mike for even thinking to try this. He must be courageous because I am clutzy and uncoordinated. However, I LOVE it and enjoy every moment of it. My friend Amy and I took a martial arts class at our church for a while. Okay for maybe six weeks until everyone else was going to test for a belt and we weren't there yet. That was way different though. We were just learning some moves and "routines". Same thing with my Tae Bo DVD's. Now we are applying some things. What I've learned the hard way (by the way that's how I learn a lot of things so don't be surprised!)is you have to keep those hands up to protect your face. It should come as no shock to you that I now know this because I got hit in the face. TWICE! Once last week and once tonight! Readers, do not fret. I'm excited about this. Tonight after dinner my husband and I were sitting out front watching hummingbirds and he said, "Why is there a bruise on your eye?" I said, "That's where Mike hit me!" I quickly ran and looked in the mirror. I don't know if it will be a full fledged black eye in the morning, but there will more than likely be some explaining to do. I called my mom to ask her if I ever had a black eye in my list of injuries. She and my dad think this is a first. The three of us had an INCREDIBLE laugh on the phone. I am so happy I could provide this joy for them because our family has been under a lot of stress trying to get Grandpa's place ready for an auction. Have I mentioned that my grandma was a hoarder? It's waaaayyyy bad. Anyway, I can't wait until my next "boxing" session. I can't think of words to explain how invigorating it is. I have a lot of built up aggression and this is by far THE BEST release I have ever found. NOT KIDDING!!!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Pieces of a Puzzle
Does your life ever feel like a jigsaw puzzle? There are all of these pieces that need to fit together to make it whole. Sometimes, somone comes by and bumps the table the puzzle is sitting on and a piece falls out of place? I'm feeling like some of my pieces have been misplaced.
It's been a lonnnng week. The old adage it could always be worse has run through my head a lot since last Friday. Lots of stress at work. A parent who verbally attacked me and made me question my purpose for being in education. This is serious business for me because I have always felt I was placed in this profession by God. In ten years, I have never been treated like this. It has taken an emotional toll. This piece of my puzzle was taken by words. Wish I would have had it glued in better.
I've kicked in some intense workouts as a result. It makes me feel in control. On Tuesday I even tried running again. First time since hurdling the chair. I did sprints for 15 minutes and was pretty impressed with myself and at the same time a little concerned. October 9th is going to be here before I know it. That's the day I'm running a 5k with my sister. She's up to 2.7 miles. I have a lot of catching up to do. It's another piece I have to put into place.
This week I also started a new eating regmine prescribed by my loyal trainer. Eggs, oatmeal, asparagus, chicken, broccoli...that's about it. I've stuck to it. Tonight I went into the gym and guess where we started? The scales. UGH! And guess what else? They haven't moved! Trainer said he was concerned which FREAKED me out! But why should I be surprised? I've been fighting this battle for a flippin long time. It is absolutely ludicrous to me. Experts say it's simple...burn more calories than you eat. I might be the medical mystery in regard to this theory. So gang...I'm down...way down! Frustrated and sad. For my entire life I don't remember ever being able to find this piece of the puzzle. Yes, I've weighed less at times. Yes, at times I've been successful in losing. But this piece never stays in place. I feel like if I could find it this time I would be successful. Michael is giving me tools, courage, and emotional strength. I know if I could find it I wouldn't lose it, but where is it?
You know how Emeril says "Kick it up a notch!" Michael didn't say those words tonight, but it had to be what he was thinking in response to the number on the scale. I hadn't admitted to him that my foot was well enough to run yet because I wanted to have a little time to run on my own first. No such luck. There was running tonight. I begged and pleaded to not run. The gal on the treadmill next to me said she was amazed I could talk so much while running. I told her I could talk through anything. It's a true story. There does come a point in running where I feel like I'm going to die...okay...really this point comes the MOMENT I start running. it scares me bad. Anyway, running usually shuts me up. I have to put all of my focus on not falling off the treadmill. I did lots of lunging tonight too. I was light headed several times and at the end of the workout I couldn't even leave the gym. I had to sit down and catch my breath. It was intense. As I've said before and I'm sure I'll say again, Michael is a piece of the puzzle I've long been searching for. The more intense the workout and the more he challenges me the better I feel. This is more than one piece of the puzzle. It's several for sure.
As I'm blogging I'm wondering this (and I'm not sure I have the answer)...my confidence level was down tonight in the gym. Was it down because I was scared and threatened by the cardio? Was it down because I just want to give up because the scale isn't moving? or was it down because I'm just emotionally spent this week? Things to ponder I guess. Certainly something I have to figure out. I have to find this piece of the puzzle. It's necessary to put the whole thing together.
It's been a lonnnng week. The old adage it could always be worse has run through my head a lot since last Friday. Lots of stress at work. A parent who verbally attacked me and made me question my purpose for being in education. This is serious business for me because I have always felt I was placed in this profession by God. In ten years, I have never been treated like this. It has taken an emotional toll. This piece of my puzzle was taken by words. Wish I would have had it glued in better.
I've kicked in some intense workouts as a result. It makes me feel in control. On Tuesday I even tried running again. First time since hurdling the chair. I did sprints for 15 minutes and was pretty impressed with myself and at the same time a little concerned. October 9th is going to be here before I know it. That's the day I'm running a 5k with my sister. She's up to 2.7 miles. I have a lot of catching up to do. It's another piece I have to put into place.
This week I also started a new eating regmine prescribed by my loyal trainer. Eggs, oatmeal, asparagus, chicken, broccoli...that's about it. I've stuck to it. Tonight I went into the gym and guess where we started? The scales. UGH! And guess what else? They haven't moved! Trainer said he was concerned which FREAKED me out! But why should I be surprised? I've been fighting this battle for a flippin long time. It is absolutely ludicrous to me. Experts say it's simple...burn more calories than you eat. I might be the medical mystery in regard to this theory. So gang...I'm down...way down! Frustrated and sad. For my entire life I don't remember ever being able to find this piece of the puzzle. Yes, I've weighed less at times. Yes, at times I've been successful in losing. But this piece never stays in place. I feel like if I could find it this time I would be successful. Michael is giving me tools, courage, and emotional strength. I know if I could find it I wouldn't lose it, but where is it?
You know how Emeril says "Kick it up a notch!" Michael didn't say those words tonight, but it had to be what he was thinking in response to the number on the scale. I hadn't admitted to him that my foot was well enough to run yet because I wanted to have a little time to run on my own first. No such luck. There was running tonight. I begged and pleaded to not run. The gal on the treadmill next to me said she was amazed I could talk so much while running. I told her I could talk through anything. It's a true story. There does come a point in running where I feel like I'm going to die...okay...really this point comes the MOMENT I start running. it scares me bad. Anyway, running usually shuts me up. I have to put all of my focus on not falling off the treadmill. I did lots of lunging tonight too. I was light headed several times and at the end of the workout I couldn't even leave the gym. I had to sit down and catch my breath. It was intense. As I've said before and I'm sure I'll say again, Michael is a piece of the puzzle I've long been searching for. The more intense the workout and the more he challenges me the better I feel. This is more than one piece of the puzzle. It's several for sure.
As I'm blogging I'm wondering this (and I'm not sure I have the answer)...my confidence level was down tonight in the gym. Was it down because I was scared and threatened by the cardio? Was it down because I just want to give up because the scale isn't moving? or was it down because I'm just emotionally spent this week? Things to ponder I guess. Certainly something I have to figure out. I have to find this piece of the puzzle. It's necessary to put the whole thing together.
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