Centurion

I really have no idea if I spelled Centurion right or wrong. There is one blog reader who will correct me on it if I am wrong. Hopefully, she will do it in private. I ran into the gym tonight with my shoes untied because I was running a few late. The owner said, "Tammy, I'm scared for you tonight." She had been talking to Trainer Mike. Then she looked at me and got tears in her eyes because of the changes she can see. I told her about our "Good News" at work. A couple of years ago we started this thing where we turn in good news about staff members to our principal throughout the week. If there is good news then we get to wear jeans on Monday. I get pretty excited to read "Good News" on Monday. It's nice to see colleagues recognized for their hard work and dedication to a demanding job. This week there were several comments in there about me and my weight loss journey. I cried when I read them. People made comments about my new look, my new energy level, and my new attitude. I have transformed. In most ways this is a really good deal. I feel better than I have EVER felt before. There are a few challenges with the changes that I am working through. The challenges are terrifying to say the least.

So Michael says,"Okay..tonight we are going to do a Centurion workout. that's a 100 of each exercise." I know I gave him "the look". I think the look was intensified when he told me to grab two twelve pound weights and do one hundred lunges. He is so dedicated. He walked beside me counting as I went back and forth across the gym floor. Now, I don't take his dedication lightly. He has spent the last 20 weeks training for a body building show this coming Saturday. His energy is spent. He has transformed himself into a machine which is on very low energy right now. And when he mandated the next exercise of 100 squats with two twelve pound weights and made me move over to a rather low bench and make my butt touch it each time...he diligently counted. He continued to count as I did 100 reverse chin ups, 100 shoulder presses, 100 bicep curls, 100 lat pulls, 100 shrugs, 100 push ups, 100 crunches, 100 bicep curls, 100 leg presses, and 100 calf something or another. He even encouraged me. Readers, I needed encouragement. There were a couple of exercises we started and I was thinking "I'll show him. I'm not stopping. I'm going straight through." Then a body part would start to cramp or burn like I had let fire ants loose inside and I would have to pause and gather myself back together. Gathering myself back together involves digging deep inside and finding the power within to force me to finish. This is one of the biggest changes I have noticed in myself throughout this journey. I now know that if I dig deep and sometimes I have to dig REAL deep, I can find the strength to finish.

Tonight was my third workout in a row with Michael. We worked out last night and Saturday as well. I'm not going to see him again until after his show. It's important for him to take this time to get ready. I have a feeling it's going to be a long workout week for me. I thrive on the challenges he presents me. However, I think the biggest challenge is yet to come.

Pounds still aren't dropping as quickly as either of us would like. No I'm not in the closet eating ice cream and cake. For the most part I am now making healthy eating choices. The problem is that I don't eat enough. We had a long talk about this last night. I'm supposed to get up in the morning and eat then eat two hours later then eat two hours later...all day long. I just get busy and don't think about eating every two hours so I'm not taking in enough to lose weight. I explained why this is such an issue for me. I have always struggled with my weight and food is my enemy. Michael then made me name a food that would kill me if I put it in my body. I said, "Castor Beans" He didn't find that humorous and said, "You wouldn't put that in your mouth." I'm going to continue to make my healthy choices through this week and after Michael's show we are going to change me up a notch.We anticipate large results from this change. Stay tuned, readers.

I did get to have ice cream tonight after our workout because of the challenge. And guess what? It gave me heart burn and I couldn't totally enjoy it. But it made me feel better for a while. The goal is that no matter what is going on in my life I have to feed my body like a machine. The difficult part for me is that when I get really stressed like I have been these last few days/weeks...I don't want to eat. I remove food from the equation. I know it's stupid, but in trying to find answers to really challenging problems, I lose my appetite. However, I have promised Mike I will do this. We have talked about it a lot and I have thought about it a lot. I'm ready when he is. He has guided me this far and the results have been great. We will get the food part taken care of too. Oh and running...running is still a challenge for me. Gotta get that one under control too. It's a mental thing.

I only hope that as I am making these changes both physically and emotionally in this journey as well as the academic changes I am making in the doctorate program that I will not change so much that there are negative consequences. When you change so quickly and drastically it can put you in an uncomfortable state with those who are okay with the status quo.