Connections From Flower Gardening to Weight Loss

Before understanding the connections outlined in this blog, my readers will need a little background knowledge. Nine years ago my husband and I (with a little help from some kind neighbors) built a flower bed on the south side of our home. The garden runs the entire width of our home, four feet off the ground, three feet wide, and a maybe 20 feet long. It's massive. I call it the Arizona garden because everything is orange and yellow and was inspired by our trip to Arizona several years ago. It includes a paddle cactus. If you don't know, paddle cactus has big outrageous thorns all over it, but also includes little hair like thorns that are almost invisible to the naked eye. Also, in the flower bed is a wild rose bush. It is one of three which had been transplanted from my mom's best friends house and is over 80 years old. The rose bush is out of control and pink. There is also some hummingbird vine which I planted even after the lady at my favorite flower nursery told me I would regret it. It is growing up the side of our house and is rampant. I had told my husband that as soon as comps were finished (I passed on Saturday!!! I'm ABD-All But Dissertation!!!) I was going to tackle the flower bed. Yesterday about 4:00 in the afternoon I arrived home. Once I was in the middle of this project and laughing at myself I realized there are some connections one could make to weight loss.

Connection 1: Sometimes, you have to break down walls to lose weight and achieve goals. Yesterday, I had to tear down one side of the rock wall. Big heavy rocks. It was challenging. Psychological walls exist for those of us whom have had struggles with our weight. We have to figure out what those walls are and tear them down. Once I tore down the wall, it was easier to get to the root of the problem (the rose bush).

Connection 2: What looks like an easy task might be more of a struggle once you begin. There were three root balls connected under what appeared to be (and was planted as) one rose bush. In both exercise and diet there are roots we have established in our behavior which has led us to bloom as we are. That rose bush was coming out the side of the flower garden and was dangerous to those who passed by. It was causing other things in the garden to die. Once I examined it's roots, I realized it had no choice. Where do your roots lead you? Do you need to move them so you have room to blossom?

Connection 3: One can never be prepared enough and it doesn't pay to rush. I couldn't find my special gloves I had purchased for working with my plants with thorns. I just put on my regular garden gloves which are not thorn proof. I wore capris and one of my favorite tshirts. Many many times I yelled, "OUCH!" I connect this with my eating. If I don't prepare my food in advance or at least think about it in advance I make poor choices because I am in a hurry. It only hurts my body.

Connection 4: Repeating the same behavior over and over will only lead to the same results or insanity. In this case an unwelcome case of thorns. I had removed most of the paddle cactus from my flower garden because it spread like a weed. Yet, I thought it was cool to have cactus which returned year after year with beautiful yellow blooms. Thus, I saved a small portion and put it in a large metal wash tub in the flower garden. After cutting my leg on it yesterday (because I was in capris) I was mad and decided I should not have any thorny plants at all. So I painstakingly lifted the wash tub out of the flower bed and proceeded to carry it to the fire pit in the backyard. I should have known when I felt it rubbing on my stomach that this was not good. However, I was committed and decided to "carry on". Afterward I felt things poking in my stomach, but I had a job to finish which included rebuilding a wall. I finished the flower bed and sat down on the front step with tweezers to remove the thorns from my hands. I lifted up my shirt and saw the little thorns, but there were so many and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know where to begin so I thought they would come out in a hot shower. NOT!!! The thorns are now embedded in my stomach marked only by little red dots. Don't worry the pain isn't bad unless my clothes rub on it or I bend over. I hope you're laughing. Today when I told my sister this problem I said, "I know you're laughing." She said, "I'm just shaking my head." You have to know this is really so funny because I have battled this cactus for five years at least and I should know the result. It's much the same way with weight loss. I know if I don't go to the gym the results will not be what I need. I know if I eat bad choices I will continue to get the same results. Yet, sometimes...we choose to do things the hard way when we already know the result. Many times we do things the hard way because we think it saves time and effort. But does it really???

Connection 5: Every journey has difficult portions. The Arizona bed is one of my favorite things when it is in full bloom. It has been a true challenge because of it's size. It requires continuous upkeep. Random things begin to grow in there and they start to take over. Every now and then I have to whip it back into shape. However, after giving it a little TLC it's stunning. Isn't this true of us? I know it is of me. Things tend to go along very well and then I hit a tough spot. Maybe it's getting a new exercise down or changing an eating habit. Once I push through that hard spot...sometimes it's grueling and I feel like I'm not going to make it...but once I do I begin to enjoy the journey again.

By the way, the rose was replanted. I'm hoping the paddle cactus is gone forever. I did go to the gym today. I was extremely sore already. Squatting, digging, and moving rock was quite the hefty workout yesterday!

BUSTED!!!

I was BUSTED last night when I walked into the gym. I was met by the gym owner. "So how have you been doing on working out since you aren't working out with Mike anymore?" Tears in my eyes "Uh...not so good." I haven't been going to the gym as regularly. To be honest, I haven't even been doing really good work outs while I'm there. I realize I've come too far to slip now and I told her that. The problem is I used to make sure I was getting the workouts in because if I didn't when it was time for my session with Mike I wouldn't be ready. Work has been CRAZY! I come home and I'm tired and so it's easier to skip the workout. Bottom Line: Sonya is now going to be my accountability partner. I'm going to be getting text messages to make sure I get to the gym.

Oral comps are this coming Saturday. Nervewracking to say the least. It's a pass or fail. I've been studying and studying and studying some more. When this is over there will be a huge sense of relief and I had already promised myself that working out would move into the number one priority spot.

I ran into my two friends at the gym last night who follow my blog. We've set somethings up to workout together. I can't wait!!! This will be great for me. We have a plan for next Monday. Stadium stairs and lunging!!!

I really think I should not have brought left over cake truffles and cupcakes home from Mom's birthday party. It's pretty easy to grab one when you are studying. I'm taking those truffles to work today.

So here's the really funny story of my gym experience in the past week. I walked in last Thursday and a friend decided to give me his own advice. He told me if I put the treadmill at a 45 degree angle at 4.0 mph I would burn close to 300 calories in 30 minutes. I said, "That's a great idea! I'm going to try it right now!" Have you ever watched someone fall off the back of a treadmill because they couldn't keep up with it? Almost...that was almost me! I guess that is another goal to work toward.

I really appreciate those who have reached out to me during this time of transition. I feel so loved and blessed to have you in my life. After my last blog, I received emails, texts, and phone calls. It was AMAZING! You all are the best and I will make it through this journey because of all of you!

Ugh...

I have been blessed for the past 17 months to work with an AMAZING trainer and friend, Mike. He has helped me find something inside myself that I didn't know existed. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I had pretty much given up. Mike changed that for me and helped me realize that I do have a drive inside of me that will allow me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. Not only has he helped me light this spark, he has made me laugh, he has seen me through tears, and has taught me exercises I didn't know existed. Most importantly, he has helped me lose inches and pounds and turn into a new person. There are no words to fully express my gratitude.

Yesterday, Mike and I decided that due to crazy schedules and other things we would halt our training sessions. I cried all the way home and off and on for most of the evening. As I posted on FB that I was going to have to start taking steps to climb what feels like a mountain before me, so many friends texted and called to make sure I was okay. I can't say that I am 100 percent okay right now. One of the most overwhelming feelings is fear because Mike has inspired and motivated me and I'm terrified of not having that on a weekly basis. I can't imagine enjoying working out as much and having a trainer is an automatic accountability measure because if you don't get into the gym and workout before your sessions you are doomed!

When I started this journey I never imagined I would see the results I have accomplished. I also thought that Mike and I would work out together until I at least reached my goal weight. There's a lot looming in front of me right now. I am preparing to defend my comps orally while at the same time writing my proposal so I can defend that. Not to mention so much going on at work. This past week has by far been the most emotional week I have had as a counselor. You would think I was making it all up. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you what I have dealt with this past week. Through the craziness of life over the past few months working out with a trainer has become a sort of therapy in it's own way. I feel so alone right now.

Today as I was driving to the gym it occurred to me that I would be needing to make my own workout plan. I have not had to do this. It's what I've been paying for. I was trying to get my plan in my head when Rascal Flatts came on the radio (If you don't know, this is my FAVORITE band ever). "I Won't Let Go". This song started the tears flowing so hard that when I walked into the gym a guy asked me if I was okay. I mumbled yes and headed to the bathroom where I felt like puking. I pulled myself together and did an hour of cardio. There was no plan involved. Guess I need to figure that out for tomorrow. I would like to say I'm ready for this. I would like to say I'm excited about the challenge, but neither of those things would be true. I don't want to do it like this. I have no desire to do it like this at all. Feeling very overwhelmed and scared. And really quite weepy cuz I'm really sad.

Follow up

Thank You for all of your support. You brought tears to my eyes. I've said it before and I will say it again. Without your love and support I would not be making so much progress in this transformation.

I'm still quite angry. However, after your posts, emails, and texts I've decided I do deserve to be treated with respect and I'm going not going to settle for less. I've started to put the wheels in motion to make some changes.

I wrote last night about the lack of respect and drama but I didn't mention the lying. I can't stand it when people lie to me. When they lie about me they have moved to a new level. Inexcusable. Ironically, as an elementary school counselor I have these discussions with students all the time. I speak to them about how lies affect their integrity. Why is it that some people never learn that lesson? I have to think one day it will catch up to them. It's so unfortunate. I have a no tolerance policy. The lies that have been told and accusations that have been made are unacceptable.

As I was focusing on this situation tonight at the gym, I ran farther and longer than I have before. It's my new personal record. I guess anger is good for something after all. Last night a friend posted "Don't let someone else steal your joy." Very true. I think I'm still in shock at being treated in this way and that's why the anger is there. As my friend Todd said today, "Intention doesn't mean much. It is in your action where your life changes."

Thanks again. You all are AMAZING. I'm off to bed now. A full moon day in an elementary school is a little crazy. I'm worn out...oh wait a minute...maybe it was the running... :)

Kate Gosslein vs. Mrs. Duggar

I'm so angry and frustrated tonight I'm going crazy. The question is do I address the problem like Kate from Kate Plus 8 or like Mrs. Duggar from 19 Kids and Counting. In all fairness to the other party involved, I can't include all of the details on here. I felt the only thing to make me feel better would be to write and this is where I write. Here is the problem.

I don't do drama very well. When I was younger I was full of it. With maturity and the work I do, I no longer tolerate it because I don't have patience for it. I work with 330 students who have families with high needs. 70% of the families live in poverty. The stories I hear on a daily basis would scare and alarm most people. Part of my role is to work with a team to provide resources and problem solve, but most importantly make sure the student is safe and has their needs met so they can learn. Rarely do I have a day where I can be as proactive as I would like. For the most part, I am responding. My family and colleagues would tell you I'm passionate about my students. When people try to bring their drama to me, I walk away. No time and no energy.

A few weeks ago a situation arose that was full of drama. I explained to my friend how I felt. This person apologized to me and assured me I would never be part of it again. I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with the third party who was the cause of the drama. Yet tonight this friend walked up to me with the third party like there had never been a problem. I can't tell you the thoughts that flashed through my brain. I seriously bit my tongue. The fact that there wasn't blood streaming down my face is a miracle. I know if I were Kate Gosslein I would have let everything rip! I feel like I've already tried the Mrs. Duggar approach. I've been forgiving and tolerated more than a lot of people would. I don't know how to make my point anymore clear. The difference in this situation and others is that this friend is important to me for many reasons. Yet, now I feel like the respect I have felt is not mutual. Perhaps it is time for me to move on.

Why am I sharing this on a weight loss blog? It's affecting my working out. It's interfering with the journey. This journey that I have become so passionate about. Now I'm getting so emotional I feel like throwing up and I'm crying. I have to figure out how to work through this. I cannot let someone else's decisions impact my work and my health. I am going to have to make a change. It's going to be difficult and I'm going to have to find a balance between Kate and Mrs. Duggar. I think I'm scared and emotional because I don't want to sever a friendship and I don't want to have to start over.

In figuring out exactly how to deal with this, I have to continue on with my working out. It might be different, but I've overcome a lot in this journey. This is just a small mountain on the route to the finish.

Seriously??? Why can't people just treat each other with respect??? Is it too much to ask??? UGH!!!

The 40th Birthday Season

It happened! I turned 40 on August 25th. It was one of the best birthdays of my life!!! My friend Stephanie organized a birthday party for me and my friend Dan from Las Vegas. Rachel had already planned a birthday party in Spring Hill so Stephanie took advantage of the opportunity and had a different cake for each of us. Mine was a FOOT!!! Never in my life did I think I would eat a foot, but I have to say it was the best foot EVER!!! It was so yummy. The best part of the night was being with friends. So many people were congratulating me on my progress on my weight loss journey. That always makes me feel special.

The next week my sister threw me a party at Paint Glaze and Fire. It was an intimate setting with family and some close friends. Everyone painted a tile for me as we sat around a table laughing at our artistic weaknesses. Sandy made some of her famous cupcakes for the event. People thought she had bought them, but she hadn't and they tasted even better than they looked and they were gorgeous. Sandy is going to turn the tiles into a mirror. I can't wait to have it hanging on my wall. Later that night it was time for a family barbecue where we had more cupcakes and some fun family pics. I loved that evening. I am so blessed with my family. (And Sis sent me home with 11 cupcakes. Oh how I love the birthday season! I ate them all with no remorse. A girl only turns 40 once!)

Dave and I were planning on going out the night after my birthday because it was a Friday. Our good friends Bob and Shirley insisted we go to dinner that night. The morning of my birthday I received a phone call from someone who is very special to me and my friend Amy gave me the most humorous poem with gifts for each stanza such as depends, aspirin, muscle cream, and vitamins. It was so hysterical. All day long my phone was buzzing with FB updates. I didn't have time to look at FB until after dinner. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak. I know you are SHOCKED that Tammy was speechless, but I was. 147 posts on my birthday. Unbelievable. I am so blessed and so loved. One lucky gal I am.

Dave took me to see The Help. It was my second time and it was even better than the first. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie you need to. It's a GREAT story.

This past weekend we went to Dave's parents for my birthday. Another barbecue and my mother in law's chocolate cake. It is DIVINE! We brought some of that home. Truth be told, I am glad we have finished every last crumb. I have to get back to it.

I am having to push myself to get to the gym each night after work. I'm having difficulty getting back into the routine of work, workout, homework. I have finished my written comps, but orals are just around the corner. I am also very busy at work. I can't seem to complete my to do list. Honestly, sometimes I can't even get to the to do list. I ran tonight and it was a great feeling. However, the entire time I was thinking of everything I needed to do at home so there was this anxiety about it. I have to get over this feeling. I have to get back to the feeling that my fitness comes first. The birthday season is over and I have to continue working hard and making fitness a priority in order to stay healthy.

The past two times I have worked out with Trainer I have been so sore the next few days I couldn't believe it. As I was lunging last week with him he was talking to me about the importance of being sore. It means the muscles are growing. Okay,it's all well and fine until you try to sit on the toilet and tears come to your eyes.

One of the things I accomplished this summer was cleaning out my clothes. Eight bags!!!! Eight bags of clothes that are way too big. I am 8 sizes down since starting this journey. I tried on clothes that literally fell off. What a feeling! With that being said, "Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." ~Carol Welch

Since I've started moving I have created such changes in my physical, emotional, and mental states. I have no intention of going back to the old me. I LOVE the new and improved me. A year and a half ago...I would have never said I love me because I was miserable. Thrilled with the decision to hire Trainer and the decisions I've been making since then. All of those decisions have added to the blessed feeling I have had during this amazing birthday season!

Oh Readers, I am so sorry I have been slacking on my blogging. I've spent most of the summer writing comps for my doctorate. At the end of an 8-10 day of writing, I do not want to touch another key on the keyboard. Usually my eyes hurt and there are no thoughts left in my head. By the end of this week, I will have uploaded the comps and will then start working on my dissertation proposal. There have been many times this summer that I have questioned my decision to become Dr. Bunch. Many times, indeed. I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to thank my wonderful husband for his support. He has been incredible during this process. He supported the idea to cancel our vacation to Colorado. While the mountain air would have been quite refreshing, we both knew I would not be able to relax. We spent a couple of days in Branson instead.

Now with all of this brain draining writing going on, I have still managed to get to the gym. Sometimes, I have actually promised myself something like this: "Finish this section and you can go work out." Going to the gym has been a great stress relief. I feel like I've slacked a bit. Trainer and I didn't see each other for almost a month during July. He was getting ready for a show and I've made it clear what I was doing. We couldn't get our schedules coordinated and when he is close to a show, it is completely necessary for him to focus on himself.

Needless to say, when we met again last week I was feeling a tad nervous. It was like the first time all over again. I made it through and was pretty proud of myself. Afterward he said, "We took it a little easy today since this was the first time back." Astonishment overcame me. It didn't feel like we were taking it easy!!!

A couple of other really inspiring things have happened recently. Last Saturday night I was invited to a birthday party for a friend from high school. I didn't know that this was a surprise party for myself and another friend. We are the two youngest in our class. We have watched all year as our classmates have turned 40 and now it's about our turn. The party was incredible. Stephanie had flown here from Las Vegas and had a cake made for each of us. Mine was in the shape of a foot (you all know how I feel about feet) complete with toe hair! Never did I imagine a foot could taste so good. Nothing like white birthday cake! At the party I had so many people tell me how amazing I look. After a summer of feeling like I haven't been hitting the physical part of my journey hard enough, this really boosted my spirits.

I've been unofficially back to work for the last three weeks. Tomorrow the contract actually begins, but there's too much to do to wait until then. Anyway, as I've been seeing people throughout our district, they've been recognizing my efforts too. WOW!!! It makes me feel so good.

Over the last week as I've been trying to get some things done around the house that had been neglected (My friend Amy thinks this is my way of procrastinating. I agreed with her, but it's also the result of all the Hoarders and Hoarders: Buried Alive that I watch!), I've been cleaning out closets and such. 8 bags of clothes to go to a thrift store. 8!!! Yes, I had a lot of clothes, but I had not done anything with the ones that were too big until this past week. So long..ain't goin back there no more!

The most touching thing that has recently happened was last night at the gym. A friend of mine recently joined and came in at the same time I was working out. When I finished, I was chatting with her and she introduced me to a friend of hers. Turns out my friend had referred this other friend to my blog. The "new" friend knew the exact date of my last entry. Most of the time when I'm blogging, I don't think anyone even cares about it. So for her to know this tugged at my heart. They proceeded to tell me what an inspiration I've been to them. WHOAAAA!!!! When people tell me things like this, it makes me work even harder. It makes my journey of weight loss even more meaningful. Weight is something that so many of us battle and we all know how hard it is. J and B, thank you! Your honesty and compliments are a encouragement to me like you can't believe. Go Forth and conquer one step at a time! I will support you however I can.

One of the questions that arose in our conversation last night at the gym was "How do you run?" I am not the runner I want to be. I had hoped to shave two minutes off my mile by my birthday. Let me just say that even though the gym is air conditioned, when I walk in there on a 100+ degree day, running is not my first choice. I started running because my trainer made me. I would rather run sprints than distance. I would rather run off the treadmill than on. After visiting my massage therapist for several sessions of bad low back pain, I learned I can run better if I stretch before and after. Other than that, it's a mind game. I give myself a two minute warm up and then go for it. Sometimes, I make it to a half mile, other times I make it to a quarter of a mile before I need to walk for a minute. The things that go through my head while running are NEVER "Oh I like this. Oh I want to run a marathon." They are usually, "Tammy go just a little further." "You are burning a lot of calories." "Come on Tammy, you can do this. You did it yesterday." On days when I'm feeling really stressed about things it might be "You stupid treadmill, I'm going to win today." No matter what my thoughts are, the way I run is one step at a time, one day at a time....