I have been blessed for the past 17 months to work with an AMAZING trainer and friend, Mike. He has helped me find something inside myself that I didn't know existed. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I had pretty much given up. Mike changed that for me and helped me realize that I do have a drive inside of me that will allow me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. Not only has he helped me light this spark, he has made me laugh, he has seen me through tears, and has taught me exercises I didn't know existed. Most importantly, he has helped me lose inches and pounds and turn into a new person. There are no words to fully express my gratitude.
Yesterday, Mike and I decided that due to crazy schedules and other things we would halt our training sessions. I cried all the way home and off and on for most of the evening. As I posted on FB that I was going to have to start taking steps to climb what feels like a mountain before me, so many friends texted and called to make sure I was okay. I can't say that I am 100 percent okay right now. One of the most overwhelming feelings is fear because Mike has inspired and motivated me and I'm terrified of not having that on a weekly basis. I can't imagine enjoying working out as much and having a trainer is an automatic accountability measure because if you don't get into the gym and workout before your sessions you are doomed!
When I started this journey I never imagined I would see the results I have accomplished. I also thought that Mike and I would work out together until I at least reached my goal weight. There's a lot looming in front of me right now. I am preparing to defend my comps orally while at the same time writing my proposal so I can defend that. Not to mention so much going on at work. This past week has by far been the most emotional week I have had as a counselor. You would think I was making it all up. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you what I have dealt with this past week. Through the craziness of life over the past few months working out with a trainer has become a sort of therapy in it's own way. I feel so alone right now.
Today as I was driving to the gym it occurred to me that I would be needing to make my own workout plan. I have not had to do this. It's what I've been paying for. I was trying to get my plan in my head when Rascal Flatts came on the radio (If you don't know, this is my FAVORITE band ever). "I Won't Let Go". This song started the tears flowing so hard that when I walked into the gym a guy asked me if I was okay. I mumbled yes and headed to the bathroom where I felt like puking. I pulled myself together and did an hour of cardio. There was no plan involved. Guess I need to figure that out for tomorrow. I would like to say I'm ready for this. I would like to say I'm excited about the challenge, but neither of those things would be true. I don't want to do it like this. I have no desire to do it like this at all. Feeling very overwhelmed and scared. And really quite weepy cuz I'm really sad.
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