Longer Pants…A Sign of a Shrinking Waist

I'm not a tall person. 5'1 and a half inches to be exact. Buying pants is often tricky. I don't want to have to hem my pants every time I buy them. You also know that I wait until my pants are literally falling off before I replace them. I'm trying very hard to get to the next size down. The size I am in now are a little big. They aren't falling off, but they are big. Guess what I have discovered? When your pants get bigger around the waist THEY GET LONGER!!!! I put on a pair of pants Tuesday with a pair of shoes I normally wear them with. The pants were too long. I put on a bigger heel and they were still too long. All day long there I was stepping on my pants. No, I'm not going to hem them! They have a cuff on the bottom. I had been thinking I was imagining things. I now have enough evidence (which is based on the fact that most of my pants are now too long) to support that a shrinking waist can result in longer pants. I guess this is the motivation I need to work a bit harder at reaching that next size. We are in the holiday season. How are you doing? Are you surviving? I'm doing pretty good. However, I've not been to one party yet. Those begin this weekend. My plan is to eat in moderation. I do not plan to be wheat free. I have the luxury of not being intolerant to wheat. I realize wheat triggers food cravings for me. I will be cautious and continue with my workouts. I would like to say that I will end my relationship with wheat after Christmas. However, it is more likely that I will modify my relationship with wheat. By this I mean, I will be 90-95% wheat free. When keeping to these terms of the relationship, I feel in control and much better. Much much much better! I never in a million years thought I would be in the habit of early morning workouts. Alas, never say never. I'm very intent on weight lifting. I haven't counted miles last month or this month. I'm taking great pleasure in my ability to increase the weight that I am lifting. As with everything, balance is needed. I have been lax in cardio and not pushed myself in part because of painful heel spur. I had my first injection for that three weeks ago. The pain in the arch of my foot went away, but then I could really feel the pain in the heel of my foot. That injection was last night. I thought the first injection was painful, but it didn't hold a candle to last night's injection. I screamed. I didn't care who could hear me. I cried. The doctor hugged me and told me he thinks we got the injection right where we needed to because the pain was so intense. Today my foot is sore, but that could be in part due to the bruise at the sight of the injection. Once the foot is heeled, I plan to create a more balanced workout with strength and cardio. I still gain motivation for making good choices by the changes in my body. Not only are my pants getting longer, but I've been thinking that I've been noticing things as well when I look in the mirror. Last week I went to dinner with some friends and when I took off my coat they made me spin around before I was allowed to sit down. They really noticed a difference. This set me on fire! I love that I feel better, have more energy, and can lift more weights, but who doesn't like it when someone notices all of the hard work!?!?!

Gym Bullies

A miracle occurred in my world on Sunday, November 3rd at about 9:30 p.m. Michelle texted me and another friend from the gym and asked if we would be her accountability partners at the gym. Of course we responded yes! Without a second thought I was at the gym at 6:00 a.m. the following Monday morning. We did strength training followed by Tabata training. Tuesday morning we were off because we had turbo kick on Tuesday night. Every other morning we were at the gym hitting it. I was sore. I was pushed beyond my limits. I was nauseous. When I thought I couldn't go on, Michelle encouraged me. AMAZING! I hadn't felt this way since working out with Trainer Mike. I was preparing my post to introduce Trainer Michelle. Michelle is who taught the bootcamp this summer where I learned about the poisonous wheat and many other things that have changed how I feed my body. She has truly inspired a change I needed. BOOM!!!! After working out this Monday, we arrived at Turbo Tuesday night only to find out that some grouchy old fools at the gym had complained about our music. Please understand the music is not offensive. It's music that Michelle uses for Tabata. Hello! How can we do Tabata without music? Well...the ruling is we have to get rid of the music. Not only did six people complain to the owner, one complained to corporate. Don't think I haven't thought about sending my own complaint to corporate about NOT being able to use music when I work out. One of the men that has complained (it's pretty simple to figure out because it's not like there are too many people in the gym at that time of the morning) smacks his gum so loud that I am offended. This has bothered me each and every time I have gone to the gym in the morning. Maybe I should write a complaint and there will be no more gum chewing at the gym??? Two of the others that have complained workout with the JERK Trainer. I'm pretty sure he has voiced his complaint too. (This man can't even acknowledge me. I have said hi to him and he ignores me. I have asked him about how to move a setting on a machine and he has replied with, "I'm not your trainer. No pay...no help.") I have seen him watching us in the mornings and I know he had something to do with this which makes me even more furious if that is at all possible. Based on his rudeness to me at the gym, I get the feeling that if I'm not working out with him he harbors ill will toward my future success. The ONLY time he has been somewhat nice to me is when he was working out with the owner of the gym and she and I were talking. I really don't want to use the word HATE, but I certainly do NOT understand him. He is supposed to be in the business of helping people. However, he is so full of himself that he doesn't have a clue what helping someone is about. As for the two others who have complained (I haven't figured them out yet), every person in there has their ear phones in (I'm sure partly to listen to the news, but more so to muffle the sound of the stuck up old geezer who sounds like a hog in it's slop when he chews that gum.) I cannot comprehend why one hour of us playing music while we work out would provoke them to complain. If we had on offensive music with nasty language that would be one thing, but we do not. We are three people who have found each other and are motivated to come to the gym and hit it. (In all fairness, we do have one fan. He has given us numerous compliments and words of encouragement.) For the first time in a long time, I have felt I was on the right path again. I hadn't steered off. I have been working out and striving to eat clean. However, this new accountability has really pumped me up. I had been wanting to do Tabata for a long time. I am discouraged that the corporate owners of my gym are so quick to cave to people and shut down my attempt to get healthier. It saddens me that these six people have so much power and that their sense of entitlement drives the policies and rules which are enforced. I work in an elementary school as a counselor. All day long I work with kids about conflict resolution. Today in teaching a lesson about bullying, I referred to these people at the gym. NEVER did any of them come to us and ask us to turn the music down. NEVER did any of them think "they are only here for an hour." My fifth graders were right. They are bullies. They want it to be their way. How differently would this have turned out if one of them would have come to us and said, "Hey, your music is really too loud. Could you turn it down a notch?" Did they ever stop to consider the repercussions? It never crossed their mind to consider our perspective or to ask if we would be willing to compromise by turning the music down. The gym is supposed to be a place where one goes to feel better. Unfortunately, I need to go in the mornings because of my schedule. I wish I didn't have to because it feels hostile. It feels them against me. I have enough work to do to reach my goals. Now I have to deal with this load of crap and these bullies who get the power. I'm not happy about this situation at all.

Wheat and Heroin...Same Bad Deal!

Today is day 7 of being wheat free. I did have wheat on Saturday and my tummy was NOT happy. The first three days went okay, but I did learn some things. When I wake up in the morning I want carbs. I don't mean in the form of fruit. I want peanut butter and toast, a protein bar, a donut, a bowl of cereal. I want carbs that include wheat. As a matter of fact, I can't even eat until I've been up for a couple of hours and I'm hungry enough that I am willing to eat the eggs I've prepared without vomiting. First thing, those eggs don't sound so good. On day 2, I was irritable. I knew it. I could feel it. I was having to watch every word that came out of my mouth for fear I would have a tone or say something I would regret. By Friday which was day 4, that symptom was starting to get less. While I wasn't shocked by this, I hadn't expected it either. I did go back into Wheat Belly and figure out a few things. When wheat is digested it is degraded to a mix of polypeptides. These polypeptides were isolated and administered to laboratory rats. It was discovered the polypeptides had the peculiar ability to penetrate the blood-brain barrier that separates the bloodstream from the brain. The brain is sensitive to the variety of substances that gain entry to the blood some of which can be very dangerous if they cross into your brain. However, once the polypeptides gain entry into the brain they bind to the brain's morphine receptor. Now you aren't going to EVEN believe this. Opiate drugs bind to the VERY SAME RECEPTOR!!!! When given the drug naloxone, the gluten effect on the brain is blocked. Are you confused? Okay...let me see if I can make this a bit easier to understand. A heroin addict goes to the nearest trauma ER because they have sustained a stab wound. Because the addict is high on heroin he fights the ER staff by trying to kick them and scream at them and use his hands to stop any help they try to give. The ER staff inject the Heroin addict with a drug called naloxone so the addict is instantly not high because the naloxone blocks the effect heroin has on the brain. Isn't that SCARY???? I find it scary and highly interesting at the same time. The same drug used to block the effects of heroin will, in fact, block the effects of wheat. Scary that something the FDA food pyramid, the American Diabetic Association, and the American Heart Association all say we should have servings of each day to maintain a healthy diet. My point in sharing this with you is that giving up wheat could cause withdrawal symptoms which is what I was experiencing early on in the week. I have now realized that the effect wheat has on me is very strong just based on the withdrawal symptoms. So today I was having a conversation with some ladies who said, "Wheat can't be bad for you. It's on the food pyramid and doctors tell you it's good for you." My reply: "THEY ARE LYING!" A huge part of me believes that in the case of the FDA, especially, a relationship exists with the agricultural industry. After all, agriculture is a huge part of our country's economy. The FDA can't just make a blanket statement that wheat should be eliminated or at least limited in most diets. I mean, for goodness sake, the agricultural industry has spent all of that time genetically modifying the wheat to keep up with our consumption. It really wouldn't be fair for the FDA to hurt the agricultural sector financially. (I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN HEAR THE SARCASM!) On another note: Last week at the gym my former trainer asked me when I was going to start working out with him again. Based on our last experience together I should have said, "The first day of Never." He was working with a client and asked me this in passing. I sent him a text. I told him that until I get this eating under control it will be a waste of his time and my money. I see him doing the same workouts with all of his clients. I can watch and know what I need to do. Today I saw him for the first time since I had sent the text. I asked him if he received it because I hadn't heard back from him. He said, "Yep. No reason for me to respond. You are the queen of making excuses is what I've decided. You've been telling me you were working on your diet for six months." He rolled his eyes and walked away. (I've had a pretty intense Monday. I forced myself to go to the gym. I really just wanted to come home and get in my pjs, but I forced myself to go because I knew I needed to work out.) I walked away from him wiping tears from my eyes as I sat on the leg press trying to get it together. It's amazing how good you can feel about yourself and one person can knock the wind right out of you with their words. I didn't do my full workout. I did enough, but was planning to do more. I walked out the door. On the way home I thought of all the things I wish I had said. (Isn't that always the case?) First, I considered finding another gym. Not kidding. I LOVE my gym, but this guy is a downer. Earlier this summer he asked me something about my workouts (this was right after my Grandpa had passed away) and I said, "I've had some stuff going on. I haven't hit it as hard as I had been." He said, "I can tell." I can't go into a gym where first I wouldn't hire the trainer even if I won the power ball and he was the ONLY available trainer. Not going to happen. And second, he's going to be making ridiculous rude comments to me without ever handing out a compliment. I don't know what he has against me, but he is a complete jerk. I'm not where I want to be. I have work to do. I know that. I don't need his negative attitude toward me. Most days I workout and there is no interaction between the two of us. So another thought I had was that I will just completely ignore him and if he does try to talk to him he can talk to the hand. Unfortunately, I think he's there to stay for a while. UGH! I really do like my gym so I'm not sure how this is going to work out. I'll figure it out I'm sure. I mean even my first trainer, the beloved Trainer Mike, came up to me after Turbo last Tuesday and complimented me on the intensity of my workout and my kicks. I was flying high. He took the time to do that. (Of course, he was the one that first sparked this working out fire...those things still mean a ton coming from him.) So another thought that I had on the way home tonight was to say to Brandon, I tell first graders...if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Maybe you should follow that advice. Alright, I think I'm done venting for now. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. bunchy2021@gmail.com

Fit Bit

I've been saving birthday and Christmas money for the past few years. Last weekend I took that money and purchased a Fit Bit. I was really interested in learning how many calories I burn a day and how many I consume a day. I've worn this little device for a week now and here is what I have learned: Given that you should never have more than a 1,000 calorie deficit when trying to lose weight, I am eating on average 500 too few calories a day. Some days it's more like 800 or 900. OOPS! This explains a lot! I've written before about the fact that I am typically scared of food and see it as evil. I've written all the way back at the beginning of this journey that Trainer Mike was saying, "Tammy I need you to eat. You have to eat for me okay?" Of course, I always said yes. And I would try to do better, but I didn't have the hard and fast numbers because I've also been told "Don't worry about calories. If you are eating six times a day and you are eating the foods I'm telling you to eat, the weight will come off." The weight hasn't been falling off. I've been plateaued for a while now. My experiment this week was to eat like I normally do and determine where the calories fell. Now that I know I can make changes. Food prep this weekend should be very interesting and fun. This week has been really busy. All of my workouts have happened in the morning with the exception of one. Yesterday I realized I was going to have to increase my time in the gym to get my miles in for the month. I was there 45 minutes earlier this morning so I could get those miles logged. Tomorrow is another day of strength followed by the final 7.6 miles I need to reach 100 for August. Of course, it's going to have to be early morning as well. While I dread getting out of bed and I hit the snooze several times, I get excited that I am accomplishing so much at the start of the day. I am also putting an increased level of intensity in my workouts. There is not a part of me that is not sore. You know how I feel about that...sore muscles = increased metabolism. I'm just going to have to get used to eating the calories that increased metabolism requires. I am making progress....it just feels really slow right now and that is discouraging. But when I look at pics I can really tell a difference. This pic was from July 2009

August 2009

In September 2011

In January 2013

In June 2013

While progress is being made, I'm confident I can increase it having this information about my deficit eating style. Time to make some changes. I'm about to begin a book that I'm going to read this weekend. Wheat Belly. Stay tuned...

My Wheat Connection

I've learned a lot in the past month about my connection with wheat. I can now say I am 85-90% wheat free and probably 80% grain free. I shared what happened when I eliminated grain and then binged with two donuts. After that day, I went grain free for 14 days. It was suggested by Michelle (I refer to Michelle as a friend and my nutrition coach, she was also the instructor of my bootcamp) that after being grain free we reintroduce grains one at a time to discover what the impact was on our body. Michelle's research has found that we have different reactions to grains which might impact food cravings. So after being grain free, I tried having a serving of corn on the cob. I found that corn has a mild impact on me. On a food craving scale of 1-10, with 10 being I have to have this right now or I'm going to harm someone and 1 being I could care less, corn might put me at a level 2 or 3. Wheat is a different story. When I eat wheat my food cravings might be an exponential 10. Here is an example: I had eaten clean all day last Friday. That evening my husband and I were having bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches for dinner. Previously, I have done bacon and tomato wrapped in lettuce to avoid the bread. Last week, I decided to have the bread to see what would happen. The rest of the evening I wanted food. I didn't want the fruit that was in the fridge. I wanted ice cream. I wanted it badly. My husband popped microwave popcorn. I wanted it too. The cravings were all consuming. Foods I don't normally think about would pop into my head. Chips and cheese dip, cake, brownies, ice cream, fried food. I was exhausted by the time I went to bed from the crazy cravings. This same phenomenon has happened each time I've had wheat. I now realize there is a connection. I should be receiving the book Wheat Belly in the mail next week. I need to know more. Knowledge is power...right? Thank You, Michelle for helping me learn about what wheat does to one's body. I can't wait to learn more. I've learned a few other things along the way. I'm pretty sure if I went to someone who deals with eating disorders I am somewhere on the spectrum. I am not concerned about it at this point because I have become aware of it and I am not going to give it any power. When eating grain free that was the only thing I was supposed to focus on. I was supposed to eat when I was hungry. The problem became that I could go 8 or 9 hours without becoming hungry. Then it was time for dinner and I was famished. I knew this couldn't be right. I also knew that if I felt a little hungry, I ignored it because food scares me. I don't trust it. If you ignore feeling a little hungry and you drink water you can overcome the feelings of hunger for a good while. As so frequently happens, I stepped into Sonya's office at my gym. It's almost like a confessional in there sometimes. I said, "Sonya, I think I have a problem." I explained my fear of food and the amount of time I went without eating. Being ever so wise, Sonya explained her eating schedule to me. Eat within the first hour of getting up and then every two to three hours throughout the day. Like a machine. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you. Quite truthfully, I will get so busy trying to get things done that I don't even think about eating. The alarm works well. My husband tried to find the ringtone of "Feed Me Seymour" but we never did find it. He thought it would be great for this alarm. Sonya told me that when she gets to work and it's time to eat her banana she is so excited that she gets to eat the banana. I found this a little odd and didn't think I would probably get excited about eating a banana. I mean I can get excited about a piece of cake or ice cream or cheeseburgers and fries, but a banana? Here is what I have learned since eating throughout the day: When the 10:00 alarm went off this morning I was soooo freaking excited to eat my banana! I actually feel hungry throughout the day. I am hungry when I wake up in the mornings. I am content with eating throughout the day. I feel as though my metabolism is higher because I'm actually feeling hungry and feeding my body. Thank You, Sonya! I have not been on the scales recently. I am focused on doing the right thing. I do think that I'm going to do a little "temperature check" next week. I'm going to write down everything I'm eating and the calories that go with it. I just want to see how many calories I'm consuming to know if I'm in the right range. I do not have intentions of becoming a calorie counter (unless I'm way off and then I might need to). I just need to figure out where I am.

TWO Donuts

Last week I went through a bootcamp regarding nutrition and emotional eating. The first day (4.5 hours) was about nutrition and fitness and the second day (4.5 hours) was about emotional eating. During the first day I learned a lot of new stuff. I was challenged to go 14 days grain free. The premise of this challenge is that eating grain, especially wheat, is really not so healthy and that anything processed has some form of grain in it. Grains are disguised by many different names in an ingredient list. Processed foods actually increase food cravings and have so many unhealthy things in them, they could be referred to as poison. Our instructor/coach challenged us to eat clean and give up grains and processed foods for 14 days to get all of this yuck out of our system. At the end of 14 days we will start trying out grains, with the exception of wheat, to see how our bodies react. Yesterday, my family had a garage sale at my parent's house about an hour away. I left my house at 4:30 in the morning. Of course since I am the one who drives right by Dunkin Donuts I offered to pick them up on my way. I packed my own food. The challenge started on Thursday and all the way to my parents I was thinking that it hadn't even been 72 hours and I already felt like I could tell a difference. I was so proud of myself for thinking ahead and packing both breakfast and lunch. Wouldn't you know that while we were experiencing a two hour rain delay (before we even started) and everyone was loving the donuts, I decided that just one wouldn't hurt. Have you ever eaten 1 donut and stopped when there were plenty more? No, me either. TWO donuts and 45 minutes later I felt so sick. I'm not talking emotionally. I'm talking physically. Like couldn't leave the bathroom kind of sick. Paired with the emotional guilt of not lasting longer than 72 hours before breaking my challenge, the physical pain was more than enough evidence for me to continue this experiment. By experiment I am talking about seeing what kind of physical effects I experience by not having grain in my diet. I've had several people share with me that they have eliminated wheat from their diet and could not believe the difference it made in the way they felt. Don't think there was not emotional pain that went along with the physical effects of my decision. At the end of the day, I was trying to decide if I was going to share this news with anyone or not. However, one of my goals (developed as a result of last week's bootcamp) is to be more active in my personal growth which includes this blog. (Keeping this blog is a form of accountability for me and I need to use it more to that advantage.)Hence, I decided to come clean and share. If the choice to eat TWO donuts was not so ridiculous, it might be comical. I mean seriously...I've spent the entire last week working on goals related to what I learned at my bootcamp. I was gung ho! I was enjoying the effects for a short while! I was so proud of myself! My instructor/coach had spent a long time talking about having no relationship with food and using it only as fuel. I had said one of the hardest obstacles for me is social situations. Of course, I'm a social butterfly so there are lots of those in my world. I had a plan to eat healthy. Yet, I had a talk with myself that went something like this..."You got up so early. You are with your family. You have done so good. This won't hurt that much and it will be easy to get back on track. Even Michelle said if you fall of the wagon get back on." I'm very convincing to myself. So I'm going to be practicing the following script: "You deserve to feel and be healthy. You are the one in control. You have the power not the food. Nothing ever tastes as good as being healthy feels." Yes! I'm going to practice that script so the next time I feel tempted I will already have the answer. I'm not down on myself today. I'm happy that I can be in charge. I'm also happy that I can share all of this with you! By sharing my decision to go grain free for 14 days, I am not implying everyone should do it. This is a new trail on my journey. I'll let you know what I encounter! If you want to read more about the effects of wheat, take a look at this article: http://www.realfarmacy.com/why-80-of-people-worldwide-will-soon-stop-eating-wheat/ And if you want to know more about my amazing instructor/coach...check her out on FB at Bikini Mindest https://www.facebook.com/bikinimindset

Losing Grandpa

This post is not so much about weight loss. However, it is about a difficult part of life's journey. If you want to skip to my exercise and eating it's at the last paragraph. My grandpa has been in Hospice House for the past five weeks. Until seven weeks ago when he fell and broke his foot, he was completely independent and still driving. Most would have never guessed he was a 90 year old man with bone cancer. Last spring he had undergone chemo for the bone cancer and after one treatment which nearly killed him, he made the choice to forgo anymore treatment. Hospice started coming to his apartment to check his vitals and make sure everything was going okay. This past November, Hospice said there was no reason for them to continue coming. Week after week he was fine. He was sleeping more and experiencing more pain, but not declining at the rate the doctors had originally anticipated. Until seven weeks ago, Grandpa was doing what he loved. He was visiting with people in his senior apartment complex, visiting with other friends around the area, and making new friends on a regular basis. To say it is difficult to go and see him at Hospice House, is the understatement of the century. Three weeks ago today when we were visiting it seemed he knew who we were. This was the first time since his stay that I felt he recognized me. Most of the time, he has a vacant look in his eyes. After the first week, I was overwhelmed with wanting to know what he was thinking. Now it is my prayer that he is oblivious to what is going on. It is obvious he is in pain because of the look on his face, the moaning, or the restlessness. However, he often refuses pain medication. Many of us are wondering if he experienced a stroke or if the cancer has spread to his brain. At this stage of the process, further testing would not be beneficial. It might answer questions, but the treatment would still be the same. Keeping Grandpa as comfortable as possible is the goal now. A couple of weeks ago I went to see him and I asked him if he was hungry. It takes him a long time to answer any questions. I waited and he said he was. The nurse went and got pudding. She told me he couldn't feed himself because he didn't have the coordination down. So there I was feeding Grandpa with a spoon. The irony of this was not lost on me, especially when my parents walked in, and my eyes filled with tears. This man of strength beyond what is typically found in others, this man who fed and nurtured me, now I was feeding him. My eyes still fill with tears when I think about that moment even though I have fed Grandpa several times since then. A man of strength. The first time Grandpa left home as a young man was to serve in the Army. He served in Germany in World War II. For a period of about six months, I spent a couple of Sundays each month interviewing Grandpa and Grandma about this period of their lives. I have the experiences written down. There were somethings that were too painful to speak of, somethings that were funny, but scary sums up a lot of what he went through. While Grandpa was in Germany, Grandma gave birth to their first son, Gary. He wasn't well and died before Grandpa was able to see him. At the end of 2008 (December 29th) we lost Grandma after a long battle of illnesses. She had spent ten years as an invalid with her beloved taking care of her night and day. Grandpa never complained. Not one time. So Grandpa could go to his sister's funeral, I went and spent a day taking care of Grandma. Grandpa was reluctant at first, but then decided he would really like to go to the funeral. Among all of her many illnesses, the dementia was the most overpowering for caretakers. She might know you one minute and then ask who you were the next. She would repeat herself numerous times. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't easy to take care of her. It was emotionally draining. Toward the end, she tried to escape the house a couple of times as she was trying to get back "home". The best we can figure is that she wanted to go back to her childhood home. During those times, Grandpa had to call Dad for help to get her calmed down. On Christmas Eve of 2008 all of her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids were with her except my sister and I. She wasn't eating and barely drinking. I often feel pain at missing that Christmas Eve, but Sandy and I went on the 28th. Still she wasn't eating or drinking. As we were talking with Grandpa, Grandma sat straight up in her chair and said, "Did you hear that beautiful music?" Grandpa said, "It's almost time for her suffering to be done here." Later that night he prayed that God would end her suffering here. The next morning she died in his arms. He said, "She was as beautiful to me this morning as she was the first day I met her." The thing that you have to understand is that Grandpa NEVER and I mean NEVER complained about taking care of Grandma. His gentle and compassionate nature were true to her just like they were to every other aspect of his life. Grandpa couldn't leave the house for the last few years Grandma was alive unless someone came to sit with her. Then he would run to the store or doctor do what he needed to do and come right back so as not to burden the other person. Grandma died at the end of 2008. In 2009, my uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer which then spread this his bones and eventually his brain. We lost Uncle Homer in July of 2010. Again, Grandpa set an example for all of us with his strength. I'm not saying it was easy for him. This was the second child he had buried. The mental strength shown by Grandpa during this time is not commonly found among others. At least, I haven't found it. A Man of Faith. My Grandpa wasn't saved until he was a young adult. Once he was, he walked the walk AND he talked the talk. Grandpa often said, "You never know if that one conversation you are having with someone might be the spark that leads them to Christ." Grandpa wasn't in your face about it. It was just who he was. If the opportunity came up for him to share part of his testimony, he would share it. After Grandma passed, and Grandpa could get out more, my dad and my aunts had to put rules in place. He would be out visiting for hours and no one knew where he was. They had to put safety rules in place so they could keep tabs on him. Grandpa started going back to church immediately after Grandma passed. He visited a couple of places, but ended up back at his home church The Gardner Friends Church. It was in this church, that my religious foundation was nurtured as we were young children. Sunday dinners with my extended family were always started with my Grandpa saying "Dear Heavenly Father..." Those prayers weren't limited to the big dining room table. They also weren't limited to thanks for a meal. They occurred anywhere and at anytime. My Grandpa's Bible is never far from his side. Even now, it is on the table next to his bed. He has written some of his favorite Bible verses on note cards and had them duct taped to the walls in his apartment. He was always studying God's word. ALWAYS. I will never forget a conversation we had a few years ago. He had went to get a tire fixed. His normal tire guy wasn't available so he went to a new location. The people overcharged him in an outlandish way. He said to me, "I felt so angry when I realized what had happened." He then went on to quote scripture as to how wrong it was for him to be so angry about this. He talked to me about how he had prayed for God to forgive him for being that mad. I was thinking..."Oh dear. Grandpa is upset with himself about being angry over a legitimate reason...I've got a lot of work to do because I can get angry over much less than that." Grandpa doesn't complain. When I mentioned earlier that there has been moaning which lets us know he is in pain, that moaning is when he is asleep. He wouldn't do it if he were aware. That's not Grandpa. I have never heard him speak a negative word about anyone. He has gone through life in a way that most would find unsatisfactory. Until two years ago, Grandpa didn't live in a place that had central air or heat. There was no hot water heater. I still remember being a teenager when the water line was actually attached to the house so he didn't have to go get water. He has never owned a new car. The car we has most recently been driving has holes in the floorboards. I once told Grandpa if I won the powerball I was going to buy him a new car. He very politely told me it wasn't necessary. Grandpa wasn't impressed by material things. As a matter of fact, it's safe to say material things meant very little to him. Grandpa was driven by his Faith and Love. He loved God, his family, and friends. He never met a stranger...just a friend he hadn't met yet. I've met some Christians who become angry at God when life gets stressful or even say things like "God must not be listening." That is so far outside of my reality and my fundamental beliefs. And my reality and my fundamental beliefs were shaped by Grandpa who never ever ever doubted God. He spent every moment serving God and thanking him. When he reached a challenging part of life, he read more in the Bible and prayed. Today, Father's Day...I thought it would be difficult and I was right. My sister and I certainly wanted to do something special for our dad, but our thoughts are consumed with wanting to spend time with Grandpa and honoring that Dad wants to be there. Grandpa was unresponsive today. He had a very restless night last night. He received pain meds at about 11:30 this morning. When we arrived and I walked over to his bed Dad said, "See if you can get that smile." Even though he can't say much, I can usually get a smile. There wasn't a smile today. At 4:00 when we left he still hadn't fallen asleep. It was obvious he was fighting the sleep. The room was full of family today. We shared some laughs. A family friend prayed over Grandpa and asked God to bless him with continued peace and comfort. That has been my prayer as well. Just praying that the pain isn't too bad and that Grandpa doesn't know what's going on. Praying that the rest of us will continue to have strength. My sister and brother in law, mom and dad, and my husband and I did go down the road to a nice restaurant where we could do something for Father's Day to let our Dad know how much he means to us and try to give him a smile or two. I cry easily now. I know that Grandpa is going to Heaven and will get to be with the God he has spent his life serving. I know he will be so happy. I know there will be no more pain. We have had conversations about what it will like to be there. I also know he will be with those that have gone before him. But the two things that have me now are 1) I want one more conversation with him...just one more... and 2) For his sake, this suffering must end soon. If you've read this far, and you do pray...our family would appreciate those prayers. I am working out. I'm able to alleviate a lot of emotion that way. The eating...most of the time I don't have an appetite. Last night and tonight I overate because I hadn't eaten the entire day until that evening meal. Yep. I know this isn't healthy. I know my body doesn't appreciate it. I'm doing what I can right now. If you have any tips, please message me. I would love to hear them.

There's a Doctor In The House

Yesterday I successfully defended my dissertation. I have earned my doctorate in Educational Leadership and Policy Analysis from the University of Missouri. A few minor revisions to make and I will be completely finished. This journey has been one of the best of my life so far. I have grown so much as a person and a professional. I've met some incredible people and developed life long friendships. I've also improved my self confidence. Our cat woke me up early yesterday morning. She's developed this habit of lying on top of me, nudging me with her head, head butting my head with her head, and then crawling under the covers and using her head to pull them off of me. Once I'm up she curls up with her head on my pillow and gives me a look that says, "Thanks...you've slept long enough. My turn." Anyway, I knew I couldn't sit around and wait until my 10:00 meeting with my committee so I went to the gym. Another HIIT workout which included 145 squats and crunches with bicep curls and jump roping. I will admit I saw headlines about the Boston Marathon, I talked with some friends about this horrible tragedy, but I didn't watch any coverage. I refused to. No evening news, I didn't click on any links, I avoided it. This morning much of my FB feed was devoted to the topic. One of the runners I follow suggested we all run for Boston today. That is what I did. I ran for the victims of Boston. I knocked three minutes off of my PR. When I felt I needed to slow down I thought of the victims. I thought of the anger I felt that someone would do something so horrible. Today's workout was dedicated to all of those whose lives have been forever changed.

Lesson Learned About Emotional Health

I hope you will forgive me for not writing in so long. Lots of writing involved in finishing a dissertation. I defend on Monday at 10:00. I'm so full of emotion I can hardly stand myself! At the end of the day today two little girls came up to me and said, "See you Monday, Dr. Bunch!" I started dancing and they were asking why I was crying. Tears of joy! Our advisors have spent time with us talking about life after a doctorate program. It is so intense that when finished, some people struggle with what to do. This thing has consumed my life for the past three years. The past year has been insane. It's about to be done. I do find myself wondering what is going to happen next. I'm hoping to land a job as a school administrator. I need something new to dive into. A new challenge. In case you haven't noticed, Bunchy doesn't do idle. Not at all. I've been working out without a trainer for a week. And...I have some news...I've been talking to my original trainer. Let's just say it's looking like there might be more Trainer Mike stories in my future. :) HAPPY! Let's talk about my workouts though. I joined this squat challenge on FB. Three days of squats and then a rest day. Each day the amount of squats increases. At first, I thought this isn't really hard. I'm not even sore. I kind of wanted to be sore so I would know things were working. Then I thought I should match my squats with crunches. Yesterday morning I was at the gym bright and early and created my own little HIIT workout. Two minutes of jumping rope, 25 squats with 50 pounds on my shoulders, 25 crunches, 25 reverse crunches, a minute of bicep curls. REPEAT! I went through the circuit 5 times. A little over 30 minutes. I feel muscles in my butt and stomach that I had forgotten were there. They are talking. Today was a rest day for squats. This morning was a running morning. I am really enjoying running. I am finding few things as rewarding as the sweat conjured while running. I really want to share with you a story from two weeks ago. Two weeks ago yesterday to be exact. Even though my blogging has been limited the past several months, you might have caught on that it has been a difficult school year in my building. We have had numerous students whose families have been impacted by the sudden loss of an immediate family member. We have had a couple of staff members who have experienced tragedy as well. There have also been some students with rather challenging behaviors. We have had to put two of our cats to sleep. My grandfather is not doing well. My cousin has some mysterious illness. I'm working on a dissertation and trying to find a new job. The first thing they teach in you in counselor school is to take care of yourself because if you don't you can't help others. I preach this to people all the time. I check on my colleagues when I know they are dealing with a challenging situations and I've had several that have been in touch with me. What has my response been? "I'm fine. It's all good. I'm working out. Oh yes, I'm taking time for myself." Two weeks ago I had a morning where several people came and shared really intense stuff with me. I walked into a friend's office, she looked at me and asked if I was okay and the tears came. I turned around and walked back to my office. My friend followed me. I'm not talking about a few tears. I'm talking about heaving, breath taking sobs. They were uncontrollable. I couldn't stop. With a little help from my friend, I decided it would be best if I went home for the day. I started out into the hallway to find my principal when another friend called my name. I turned and she said, "Are you okay?" The tears came, I turned on my heel and went back to my office. My friends decided they would find the principal and bring her to me. After some convincing to everyone that I would be okay to drive, I came home and slept for hours. This is not like me. I don't do this. I woke up long enough for a snack as dinner and was back to sleep for the night. I woke up and went to a meeting the next morning and prepared to start my day. In walked my intern who took one look at me and said, "Go home. You aren't okay." The tears came again. I went back home and crawled back into bed where I slept again. It was like I had not slept in days. Every part of me felt heavy. I woke sweating after terrifying nightmares. I was starting to get a bit scared. This isn't me. I have never experienced anything like this. A friend who called/texted to check on me several times over those two days was so helpful in analyzing my nightmares (always someone chasing me, or I was lost and couldn't find my way, or I was trapped) and what was going on. All the time I had spent trying to be strong for others, I had internalized everything and there was nothing more I could take. It was my body's way of saying I needed a break. What does this have to do with Bunchy Beating the Bulge? Friends, there is so much more to taking care of us than physical. We have to take care of the mental side too. I know I am not the only one who is burdened with stress. You must have an outlet. Take it from me, stuffing it is not the answer. Don't fall into my trap of trying to fix everything for everyone else. You must keep yourself emotionally healthy. I am even more grateful for my friends after this experience. One in particular who continually gave me permission to take care of me. (You know who you are!) I needed someone to give me permission during that time because for whatever reasons, I had decided I didn't have time and I wasn't important enough. Lesson Learned!

For Where There is FURY, WRATH is Likely

You know I haven't been blogging as much because I'm working every spare minute to finish my dissertation. However, a few things have occurred in the last 48 hours of which I must blog. First, I had taken two days off from the gym and last night decided to run a mile. I ran my best time and decided to go on for two miles. When I ran those two miles in under thirty minutes I slowed down to a brisk walk. I had taken a picture of the screen and sent it to my husband, my friend Sonya, and my first trainer. I said to my first trainer, "Did you ever even imagine this could happen?" He replied, "I did. I always did." AWWWWWW! The connection I had with Mike in this journey still exists. He believed in me before I ever had an inkling of what lied inside. He still does. Mike, I appreciate you more than words. In true Forest Gump mode, I thought I'm going to keep running. I ran three miles in under 43 minutes. I have NEVER done that before. My friend Belinda was on the stepper next to me. I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe what I had just done. It was a milestone. You might also note that it is a milestone that I am sharing with you what my actual times are. I have kept my times to myself because running has continually been a struggle for me. Remember the days when I wouldn't run a mile at all? When I couldn't run 5 minutes without feeling as though I was going to die? As such, I compete with myself. I don't compete with others on this journey. This is a me thing. I know there are many out there running way faster than Bunchy. I'm happy for you. I just don't want to set myself up for failure by getting caught up in trying to run faster than someone else. I don't know if this makes sense, but I have to get completely comfortable with myself as a runner. I've been working on this for two years. Not intensely, obviously. However, this month I've been using a 1 mile run as a warm up. This morning I had to go to the doctor for a follow up appointment. There was Brenda at the front desk. She said, "Your hair? What are you trying to be a model?" This resulted in a big smile from me. I told her about my friend Miah who had noticed my hair just the day before and said, "First it's the skinny walk and then it's the hair. Look at her. Look at her." Then the Dr comes in the room and says "You absolutely glow. I've never seen you healthier than in these last few months. He went over all of my numbers from my recent blood work and told me how impressed he was. He went on to say that he had been sharing my story with a couple of other patients who were struggling with their weight. He needs them to talk with me because he knows I can talk about how difficult the journey has been, but how rewarding at the same time. We agreed that I need to finish the dissertation first and then I will ABSOLUTELY help these people. For if I can help one person, just one find the happiness and health I have found then it's all worth it. Now to the fury... Tonight at the gym I decided to run a mile for a warm up. I wasn't trying to beat my time. I just wanted to run a mile. This really good song came on my playlist and I increased the speed on the treadmill. Before I knew it, I had done a 12:30 mile. Now Readers, I'm not sure what moves were coming out of my body at that point. There was jumping, dancing, tears streaming down my face. My friend Belinda was there. I immediately went to her and showed her my time. She said "You are such an inspiration." (She's as much an inspiration to me as she claims I am to her.) Then I ran out of the gym to call my mom. When I was back inside and talking to Belinda for a minute my trainer had finished with his client. I was still doing the happy dance and saying things like "I can't believe I just did that." Brandon gives me a look. I said "I just ran my fastest mile. I did it Brandon. I did it." He rolled his eyes. Belinda said,"Does he have an excitement button?" Brandon said, "She hasn't found it yet." Then he asked me what my heart rate was. It was in the 160's. So I thought I would tell him how proud my doctor is of me and how he wants me to speak with a few others who are struggling and Brandon rolled his eyes again. He never smiled, he never said Good Job. After he rolled his eyes the second time he left. I looked at Belinda and said, "Did that just happen?" She said it did. I said, "Am I overreacting?" She said "Oh no. I can't believe the way he just treated you." I'm fuming. I pay this man a lot of money. Not just to help me in my fitness journey, but to celebrate. Over the last few weeks, I've realized there has been little celebrating with Brandon. Even Jillian celebrates with her clients on Biggest Loser. And she's the meanie! I didn't make it to my session with Brandon on Saturday. We were supposed to measure so now we are doing that tomorrow. We then have two more workout sessions. After the measurements, I will be letting Brandon know that those next two sessions are not necessary. I want my results so far though which is the only reason I'm meeting him tomorrow. That is the wrath. I'm going to let him know that I was in tears with a friend on the phone after I finished my workout because not only did he do nothing to celebrate my accomplishment, he actually took away from it with his cynical look and attitude. Hopefully, he will accept responsibility for his actions and he won't have to see the wrath. In reality, he made me feel like I was a nobody and why would I get so excited about running? There are choice words that describe he and his attitude! As far as I am concerned, he can hit the road!!!

Fatigued and Fragile

I want to share something that I've learned from training and experience. I'm writing it as much for myself as you. I work as an elementary school counselor. When I was working on my degree, we had many instructors warn us about compassion fatigue. This is something that happens when you put a lot of time and energy into caring for the well being of others. Typically, we are quick to forget about our own mental health. It doesn't just happen to those of us who work in mental health. It can happen to anyone. Those who work in emergency services, first responders, parents, someone caring for someone who is sick, many many circumstances lend themselves to a caregiver experiencing compassion fatigue. It also happens when "life" deals you unexpected deaths, tragedies, sickness or other stressful situations. Any one even on their own might be difficult, but when they start to pile up, it is extremely hard to not let it get to you. You might know you're not handling things well when you can't sleep, lose motivation, have a change in appetite, feel down, or are irritable. Without doing something, compassion fatigue can quickly turn to depression. Often, it feels if one more thing happens you are going to break. My own situation is one where we have been working a series of tragic deaths at my school. While I have not lost a family member (we did lose a friend last week), assisting families and friends in times of these tragedies can be draining. When you add to that the every day challenges of being a counselor, it can often feel overwhelming. I am blessed with a strong support system. (I appreciate each and everyone one of you so much.) First, my husband and my mom are great supporters. They have both been checking in with me. Today I have received phone calls, emails, and texts from friends and family making sure I was okay. I have had friends email and offer to take some things off of my plate. I have had several colleagues call and ask me what I'm doing to take care of myself. When they do this, I am forced to remember that I must take care of myself. If we neglect to take care of our own needs, we are unable to care for others. With my new lifestyle, my "go to" release is the gym. Stress makes me want to get there even more than normal. There are other things that can be done to relieve stress too. Things that we often take for granted. One of the easiest things to do is to unplug. Turn the cell phone off, step away from the computer. I will be doing this in just a few minutes actually. I will take a hot bath and then lay in bed and either watch tv or read a book. I will not do anything related to work or my doctoral studies. You might think this is a no brainer. You might say "There's no way I could do that. I have too much to do." So do I. There is a to do list that keeps growing and growing to the point I want to cry because I have no idea how I'm going to get it done. At this point, I have to stop and make my own well being a priority. Tonight at the gym I was able to laugh with some friends. Laughter is ALWAYS good medicine. I am getting much better at identifying when I need to take care of me. I also understand it's not selfish. Some might see it that way. They might get their feelings hurt when I tell them no. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means that right now I'm fragile and in order to keep from breaking, I have to pause and do some maintenance. "Bunchy? Have you lost your mind? What does this have to do with weight loss?" Everything, Friends. Everything. You are only able to take care of yourself physically, when you are taking care of yourself mentally too. They go hand in hand. “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”~unknown A final thank you to my support system...Thank You for knowing me better than I know myself sometimes. Each of you has been a breath of fresh air to me during these challenges.

Underlying Issues

You might remember I had an issue this summer at the gym when my workout pants fell off. I've since replaced my pants both for working out and working. Evidently, I need to start replacing underwear too. As my underwear has become too big, I've thrown it out. Replacing it bit by bit. Evidently, I need to pay more attention to these articles. The first problem came in December at our staff Christmas party. I was playing a Dance game with the Wii. As I'm dancing and trying VERY hard to beat my friend Amber which is EXTREMELY difficult because of her experience and skill, my underwear started to slide down my butt. We were in a family room and a lot of people were behind us. I found myself in an awkward situation. I couldn't just dig around and pull it back up. I was at the center of the room. All eyes were on Amber and I or shall I say..our butts! As soon as our song was over, I casually sat down on the couch. Have you ever had your underwear fall below your butt cheeks? The one reassurance is that as long as you are wearing pants it can't go any further. A mistake was made when I told my friend Lisa about my circumstance. She found it humorous and even more so to try and grab them while saying, "Your panties have fallen! Your panties have fallen!" and laughing hysterically. Finally, I could stand it no longer. I went to the restroom and shoved them into the pocket of my pants. Waiting for an excuse to go to our truck, seemed like an eternity. I was sure someone was going to ask what was in my pocket. Maybe no one noticed, to me it felt like I had shoved a small animal in there. I finally made my exit and hid the underwear in the truck. The saying "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it" is all well and fine until your big girl panties are too big! Most would think I would look for any similar underwear and discard them before having a repeat performance. I was pretty sure I had, but I've lost another size since December. This week I was at the gym. Interval training on the stepper in a crowded gym when the uncomfortable panty slide started. I'm not sure if anyone was looking. If I had been recorded and we went back and watched the video, viewers would notice me slow down while trying to shift my hips. Not sure what I was thinking. Maybe the right move would catch them and bring them back to the correct position. No such luck. The viewer would then notice an increase in my speed. For goodness sake, if moving faster will help get them under the cheeks then let's just be done with it already! I was grateful the workout pants I had on didn't reveal the mishap. I hope you all find this as funny as I do and I also hope if you are on a weight loss journey, you will enjoy a similar experience. As uncomfortable as it was at the time, I NEVER imagined when this journey began that MY PANTIES WOULD FALL OFF!!!

HELLthy Screenings

Yes, there is more to say about these HELLthy screenings. It has gone from frustrating to absurd. I knew when I went my numbers would classify me as obese. After all, one only need be 25 pounds overweight to be considered obese. My frustration was not with the classification it was with the attitude of the person going over my results. So that was frustrating. It has become a point of laughter this week in our building. Below are some pics of friends of mine. They have given me permission to post their pics in my blog. After reading about my experience the other night, they have shared their experience with me. So... My friend who is a fitness trainer was warned her numbers are EXTREMELY dangerous...

Several other friends were told their numbers are not acceptable...

A couple were so upset by the news that they turned to chocolate to help with the stress...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The irony is that some who went for their screenings and expected to be reprimanded because they know they have work to do were not lectured at all. Alas, the most frustrating part of these HELLthy Screenings have been the lack of consistency, compassion, and encouragement. Obviously, these screeners are NOT into motivation.

The HELLth Screening

This morning was my morning to go have my hellth screening for my insurance at work. A prick of the finger to check cholesterol, a trip on the scales, a height measurement, blood pressure reading, body fat test, and a 100 questions on a computer. After which, a person with not one ounce of health knowledge meets with you to go over your scores. So the guy I met with said "According to this (points to his iPad which has a red mark next to a couple of things)you are obese. You really need to work on losing weight." I didn't comment. I just looked at him. I had prepared myself. I knew this was coming. I was just waiting to be dismissed so I could get to work. He then said, "You don't seem very concerned." I shrugged, "I'm not." "You need to be. This is serious." "I know it's serious." "We could have a life coach call you and go over some strategies." "I'll be fine. That's not necessary." "You need to take this seriously." "I do take it seriously." "It doesn't appear that way." At this point I felt it was necessary to take a different approach. "I take it serious enough that I've lost 65 pounds. I have done it through sweat and tears. I haven't used a gimmick. I haven't used a drug. I've lost it the old fashioned way with diet and exercise. I go to the gym 6-7 days a week. I average 100 miles a month. I strength train 5 times a week. I work with a trainer." AND THEN HE SAYS... "This is my part time job. I'm a trainer on the side." People...if only I had taken a pic. You would understand why this was so humorous to me. However, I maintained my composure and didn't laugh in his face. "What exactly do you do for cardio? Are you getting your heart rate up?" Chuckling, "I know my target heart rate. I get it up and keep it up. I came here because I have to in order to keep my insurance premium 30.00 lower. You are not a doctor. You are not MY trainer. You know NOTHING about me. If I had brought pictures in of where I started and my statistics, it still wouldn't be good enough. You measured my body fat with a caliper. There is no evidence that those things are even accurate. It is much more effective to do a skin fold test. The weight you are telling me I should weigh is 40 pounds lower than what my doctor says I should weigh. I realize this is a job for you. However, YOU don't get to tell me I'm not taking weight loss serious enough because YOU don't know me." He opened the curtain and told me to have a good day.I never raised my voice. I was completely polite the entire time. I even smiled. As I was sharing this story with a co worker she said, "You know it's a good thing you are as strong as you are mentally. There are other people that would have been knocked back by that. Words like that would have made them give up." She's right. I'm not going to lose sleep about it. After writing this, I probably won't give it much more thought. It would have knocked the old me out of the game. That's what infuriates me. There are so many people who need support and a conversation like that is not supportive. My friend Sonya was livid. I think if she could have found the guy it would not have been pleasant for him. My trainer and I talked tonight and he said that by their standards he is obese too (if you saw him, you would know there is not an ounce of fat on him ANYWHERE). As I've said before, there are people out there weighing way less than me. They don't work out. They don't watch what they eat. It's not about a number. Yes. Yes. Yes. I still have weight to lose. I'm not going to dispute that. I'm going to get there. I've come a long way. The deal is...no matter what the number on the scale or the BMI or whatever...we should all be working on making choices which lead to a healthier lifestyle.

The Number on the Scale is After All Just a Number

Everyone says the number on the scale doesn't matter. If you've been reading a while, you know I've struggled with this. Yes, the scale has gone down 65 pounds. No, I'm not done. No it's not coming off fast enough. With about 40 more pounds to go, I have once again hit a plateau. In December my scales broke. I'm trying very hard to not replace them. My trainer reminded me there is a scale at the gym for my use and I don't need them here. Since we've returned to work from winter break, I've had many people compliment on how much thinner I'm looking. I've said thank you while the dialogue in my head goes something like this, "Shoo...I can't look slimmer because the scale isn't going down. Glad I'm faking people out." The rational part of me realizes this is ridiculous. I've been working out hard. My clothes continue to get looser. The other part of me is tied to the number on the scale. I've had this pair of khakis that have been too big for a while. I put them on this week and questioned whether or not to even wear them to work. I was in a khaki mood. They were big. They were comfy. Or not. After I got to work, I realized they were so big that I had to hold them up. Thank God I didn't have to run and chase a student that day. I don't think I could have kept them up. Several people made comments on that day about how necessary it was to retire those pants. I share the khaki story in prep for what happened last night. I am too cheap to go and pay full price for pants that are going to be too big in a few weeks (hopefully). Last night I left work and stopped at a thrift shop several co workers go to. One co worker happened to be there. I found a pair of khakis in my current size. While we were looking at other pants in hopes of finding a great bargain, Stacey asked me what size I was in. I told her and she promptly found a pair of pants one size smaller than what I had said. She said, you can wear these. I argued. No I can't. I'm not there yet. Yep. Bunchy ended up eating a mouthful of crow. They fit. Really nicely I might add. I wouldn't say I'm solidly in that smaller size yet, but I'm closing in on it. That's ten pant sizes since the journey began. TEN!!! I guess the point of this blog is to add evidence to the argument against basing success on the number on the scale. The scale has no idea that I can lift more than ever before, my cardio endurance is triple of when I started, and all of the other successes I am enjoying because of my hard work. The scale is after all just a number. With that being said, my trainer has devised a "diet" plan for me to get rid of some fat. We are hoping it will come off pretty quickly. It's called carb cycling. Three days a week I will only have a carb with breakfast. The other four days I have a carb with breakfast and another before 3:00. The plan starts in the morning. Veges don't count as carbs. I throw this in because I know there are some extreme plans where one can't have veges. I'll keep you posted on how this goes.

Resolutions vs. Commitments

Really? Really? It's been since October 29th that I've posted on here. OOPS! I have decided that I must post at least one blog per week this year. Time permitting, I will post more. I want to write today about the difference between a New Year's Resolution and a commitment. I've been doing some research about effective goal setting. According to Wikipedia a commitment is: "Commitment means to duty or pledge to some thing or someone, and can refer to: Personal commitment, interaction dominated by obligations. These obligations may be mutual, or self-imposed, or explicitly stated, or may not. Distinction is often made between commitment as a member of an organisation (such as a sporting team, a religion, or as an employee). A personal commitment is a pledge or promise to ones' self for personal growth." While a New Year's Resolution is: " A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until fulfilled." According to the dictionary: "RESOLUTION > Noun. (1) a firm decision to do or not to do something: she kept her resolution not to see Anne any more ¦ a New Year's resolution." "COMMITMENT > (1) the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity: the company's commitment to quality ¦ I could not fault my players for commitment." Some might say the difference between the two is splitting hairs. For me, there is a difference bigger than a hair. For years, I was ready to start my new weight loss plan on New Years. Since I had failed and was still overweight at Thanksgiving of X year, I would get through the holidays and come the first of the year I would make my resolution to lose weight. I was determined. I was going to get the weight off once and for all. Sometimes my resolution involved a certain exercise plan or sometimes it involved a specific diet such as Weight Watchers. One year I remember doing something Dr. Phil had prescribed. I bought a book and spent Christmas break reading it so I was ready on the 1st. However, since 2010 I have been committed to getting fit and healthy. As a result, I have lost a significant amount of weight and gained a lot of self confidence. Guess what? That commitment did not start in January. I think that I had joined a Biggest Loser contest at work and was trying once again to eat healthy. Actually, I was going through the motions of weighing in every week. Sometimes I lost, more often than not I gained or stayed the same. Frustration grew. Even bitterness toward those who were being really successful. For me the commitment started in May of 2010 when I first started working with Trainer Mike. Again, the difference between making a resolution and making a commitment. A resolution is “the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.” In contrast, a commitment is defined as “a pledge or promise; obligation.” For me, the difference between the two is where the personal responsibility lies. A resolution says what one intends to do. A commitment contains more emotional responsibility because one is making a "promise" to achieve a goal. When I make a promise, I keep it because my integrity is on the line. When I am committed to something, I do what it takes to make it happen. As I've been conducting interviews for my dissertation which examines the new Missouri Teacher Evaluation Model, I have found that one of the areas on which teachers are evaluated is commitment. This might include something as basic as having the right certification and credentials. In reality, it includes far more. Things that are looked at are what a teacher does as far as professional growth, their commitment to their students, commitment to their organization, and commitment to the craft of teaching in general. Many businesses have evaluated employee commitment for a long time. As professionals, many of us are committed to our careers. A resolution, then, might be a goal one sets and one might even take steps toward reaching that goal. In my opinion the reason why so often we aren't successful with our resolutions is because they are the first thing to go when the New Year wears off and life sets in. You know life? Professional obligations, family obligations, stress...Yep when those things get in the way we let our resolutions go. If we are committed to something we are more likely to hold onto it. Experts say we often self sabotage by getting to ambitious and setting too many goals. I have made a few commitments this year which I posted on my FB page. My number 1 commitment which comes before anything else is my commitment to my fitness journey. Therefore, I am committed to lose the final 40. There are many action steps that go with this. I have to get to the gym every day. I have to make the right food choices. I need to get enough sleep. I have to take my vitamins. You get it. I do all of these action steps because I am committed to my fitness journey. As we begin the new year make sure you examine what you are setting yourself up for. Are you making a resolution because it's the thing to do? Or are you making a commitment for which you will set action steps and follow through? I'm just Bunchy. I am only speaking from my experience. If you have set resolutions in the past and been successful, CARRY ON!!! FYI: Two other commitments I have made this year. 1) Keep up on my Bunchy Beats The Bulge FB page and 2) Be a more frequent blogger. If you need help getting going, let me know. I'll help if I can. :)