Fatigued and Fragile

I want to share something that I've learned from training and experience. I'm writing it as much for myself as you. I work as an elementary school counselor. When I was working on my degree, we had many instructors warn us about compassion fatigue. This is something that happens when you put a lot of time and energy into caring for the well being of others. Typically, we are quick to forget about our own mental health. It doesn't just happen to those of us who work in mental health. It can happen to anyone. Those who work in emergency services, first responders, parents, someone caring for someone who is sick, many many circumstances lend themselves to a caregiver experiencing compassion fatigue. It also happens when "life" deals you unexpected deaths, tragedies, sickness or other stressful situations. Any one even on their own might be difficult, but when they start to pile up, it is extremely hard to not let it get to you. You might know you're not handling things well when you can't sleep, lose motivation, have a change in appetite, feel down, or are irritable. Without doing something, compassion fatigue can quickly turn to depression. Often, it feels if one more thing happens you are going to break. My own situation is one where we have been working a series of tragic deaths at my school. While I have not lost a family member (we did lose a friend last week), assisting families and friends in times of these tragedies can be draining. When you add to that the every day challenges of being a counselor, it can often feel overwhelming. I am blessed with a strong support system. (I appreciate each and everyone one of you so much.) First, my husband and my mom are great supporters. They have both been checking in with me. Today I have received phone calls, emails, and texts from friends and family making sure I was okay. I have had friends email and offer to take some things off of my plate. I have had several colleagues call and ask me what I'm doing to take care of myself. When they do this, I am forced to remember that I must take care of myself. If we neglect to take care of our own needs, we are unable to care for others. With my new lifestyle, my "go to" release is the gym. Stress makes me want to get there even more than normal. There are other things that can be done to relieve stress too. Things that we often take for granted. One of the easiest things to do is to unplug. Turn the cell phone off, step away from the computer. I will be doing this in just a few minutes actually. I will take a hot bath and then lay in bed and either watch tv or read a book. I will not do anything related to work or my doctoral studies. You might think this is a no brainer. You might say "There's no way I could do that. I have too much to do." So do I. There is a to do list that keeps growing and growing to the point I want to cry because I have no idea how I'm going to get it done. At this point, I have to stop and make my own well being a priority. Tonight at the gym I was able to laugh with some friends. Laughter is ALWAYS good medicine. I am getting much better at identifying when I need to take care of me. I also understand it's not selfish. Some might see it that way. They might get their feelings hurt when I tell them no. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means that right now I'm fragile and in order to keep from breaking, I have to pause and do some maintenance. "Bunchy? Have you lost your mind? What does this have to do with weight loss?" Everything, Friends. Everything. You are only able to take care of yourself physically, when you are taking care of yourself mentally too. They go hand in hand. “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”~unknown A final thank you to my support system...Thank You for knowing me better than I know myself sometimes. Each of you has been a breath of fresh air to me during these challenges.