I have been blessed for the past 17 months to work with an AMAZING trainer and friend, Mike. He has helped me find something inside myself that I didn't know existed. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I had pretty much given up. Mike changed that for me and helped me realize that I do have a drive inside of me that will allow me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. Not only has he helped me light this spark, he has made me laugh, he has seen me through tears, and has taught me exercises I didn't know existed. Most importantly, he has helped me lose inches and pounds and turn into a new person. There are no words to fully express my gratitude.
Yesterday, Mike and I decided that due to crazy schedules and other things we would halt our training sessions. I cried all the way home and off and on for most of the evening. As I posted on FB that I was going to have to start taking steps to climb what feels like a mountain before me, so many friends texted and called to make sure I was okay. I can't say that I am 100 percent okay right now. One of the most overwhelming feelings is fear because Mike has inspired and motivated me and I'm terrified of not having that on a weekly basis. I can't imagine enjoying working out as much and having a trainer is an automatic accountability measure because if you don't get into the gym and workout before your sessions you are doomed!
When I started this journey I never imagined I would see the results I have accomplished. I also thought that Mike and I would work out together until I at least reached my goal weight. There's a lot looming in front of me right now. I am preparing to defend my comps orally while at the same time writing my proposal so I can defend that. Not to mention so much going on at work. This past week has by far been the most emotional week I have had as a counselor. You would think I was making it all up. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you what I have dealt with this past week. Through the craziness of life over the past few months working out with a trainer has become a sort of therapy in it's own way. I feel so alone right now.
Today as I was driving to the gym it occurred to me that I would be needing to make my own workout plan. I have not had to do this. It's what I've been paying for. I was trying to get my plan in my head when Rascal Flatts came on the radio (If you don't know, this is my FAVORITE band ever). "I Won't Let Go". This song started the tears flowing so hard that when I walked into the gym a guy asked me if I was okay. I mumbled yes and headed to the bathroom where I felt like puking. I pulled myself together and did an hour of cardio. There was no plan involved. Guess I need to figure that out for tomorrow. I would like to say I'm ready for this. I would like to say I'm excited about the challenge, but neither of those things would be true. I don't want to do it like this. I have no desire to do it like this at all. Feeling very overwhelmed and scared. And really quite weepy cuz I'm really sad.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Follow up
Thank You for all of your support. You brought tears to my eyes. I've said it before and I will say it again. Without your love and support I would not be making so much progress in this transformation.
I'm still quite angry. However, after your posts, emails, and texts I've decided I do deserve to be treated with respect and I'm going not going to settle for less. I've started to put the wheels in motion to make some changes.
I wrote last night about the lack of respect and drama but I didn't mention the lying. I can't stand it when people lie to me. When they lie about me they have moved to a new level. Inexcusable. Ironically, as an elementary school counselor I have these discussions with students all the time. I speak to them about how lies affect their integrity. Why is it that some people never learn that lesson? I have to think one day it will catch up to them. It's so unfortunate. I have a no tolerance policy. The lies that have been told and accusations that have been made are unacceptable.
As I was focusing on this situation tonight at the gym, I ran farther and longer than I have before. It's my new personal record. I guess anger is good for something after all. Last night a friend posted "Don't let someone else steal your joy." Very true. I think I'm still in shock at being treated in this way and that's why the anger is there. As my friend Todd said today, "Intention doesn't mean much. It is in your action where your life changes."
Thanks again. You all are AMAZING. I'm off to bed now. A full moon day in an elementary school is a little crazy. I'm worn out...oh wait a minute...maybe it was the running... :)
I'm still quite angry. However, after your posts, emails, and texts I've decided I do deserve to be treated with respect and I'm going not going to settle for less. I've started to put the wheels in motion to make some changes.
I wrote last night about the lack of respect and drama but I didn't mention the lying. I can't stand it when people lie to me. When they lie about me they have moved to a new level. Inexcusable. Ironically, as an elementary school counselor I have these discussions with students all the time. I speak to them about how lies affect their integrity. Why is it that some people never learn that lesson? I have to think one day it will catch up to them. It's so unfortunate. I have a no tolerance policy. The lies that have been told and accusations that have been made are unacceptable.
As I was focusing on this situation tonight at the gym, I ran farther and longer than I have before. It's my new personal record. I guess anger is good for something after all. Last night a friend posted "Don't let someone else steal your joy." Very true. I think I'm still in shock at being treated in this way and that's why the anger is there. As my friend Todd said today, "Intention doesn't mean much. It is in your action where your life changes."
Thanks again. You all are AMAZING. I'm off to bed now. A full moon day in an elementary school is a little crazy. I'm worn out...oh wait a minute...maybe it was the running... :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Kate Gosslein vs. Mrs. Duggar
I'm so angry and frustrated tonight I'm going crazy. The question is do I address the problem like Kate from Kate Plus 8 or like Mrs. Duggar from 19 Kids and Counting. In all fairness to the other party involved, I can't include all of the details on here. I felt the only thing to make me feel better would be to write and this is where I write. Here is the problem.
I don't do drama very well. When I was younger I was full of it. With maturity and the work I do, I no longer tolerate it because I don't have patience for it. I work with 330 students who have families with high needs. 70% of the families live in poverty. The stories I hear on a daily basis would scare and alarm most people. Part of my role is to work with a team to provide resources and problem solve, but most importantly make sure the student is safe and has their needs met so they can learn. Rarely do I have a day where I can be as proactive as I would like. For the most part, I am responding. My family and colleagues would tell you I'm passionate about my students. When people try to bring their drama to me, I walk away. No time and no energy.
A few weeks ago a situation arose that was full of drama. I explained to my friend how I felt. This person apologized to me and assured me I would never be part of it again. I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with the third party who was the cause of the drama. Yet tonight this friend walked up to me with the third party like there had never been a problem. I can't tell you the thoughts that flashed through my brain. I seriously bit my tongue. The fact that there wasn't blood streaming down my face is a miracle. I know if I were Kate Gosslein I would have let everything rip! I feel like I've already tried the Mrs. Duggar approach. I've been forgiving and tolerated more than a lot of people would. I don't know how to make my point anymore clear. The difference in this situation and others is that this friend is important to me for many reasons. Yet, now I feel like the respect I have felt is not mutual. Perhaps it is time for me to move on.
Why am I sharing this on a weight loss blog? It's affecting my working out. It's interfering with the journey. This journey that I have become so passionate about. Now I'm getting so emotional I feel like throwing up and I'm crying. I have to figure out how to work through this. I cannot let someone else's decisions impact my work and my health. I am going to have to make a change. It's going to be difficult and I'm going to have to find a balance between Kate and Mrs. Duggar. I think I'm scared and emotional because I don't want to sever a friendship and I don't want to have to start over.
In figuring out exactly how to deal with this, I have to continue on with my working out. It might be different, but I've overcome a lot in this journey. This is just a small mountain on the route to the finish.
Seriously??? Why can't people just treat each other with respect??? Is it too much to ask??? UGH!!!
I don't do drama very well. When I was younger I was full of it. With maturity and the work I do, I no longer tolerate it because I don't have patience for it. I work with 330 students who have families with high needs. 70% of the families live in poverty. The stories I hear on a daily basis would scare and alarm most people. Part of my role is to work with a team to provide resources and problem solve, but most importantly make sure the student is safe and has their needs met so they can learn. Rarely do I have a day where I can be as proactive as I would like. For the most part, I am responding. My family and colleagues would tell you I'm passionate about my students. When people try to bring their drama to me, I walk away. No time and no energy.
A few weeks ago a situation arose that was full of drama. I explained to my friend how I felt. This person apologized to me and assured me I would never be part of it again. I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with the third party who was the cause of the drama. Yet tonight this friend walked up to me with the third party like there had never been a problem. I can't tell you the thoughts that flashed through my brain. I seriously bit my tongue. The fact that there wasn't blood streaming down my face is a miracle. I know if I were Kate Gosslein I would have let everything rip! I feel like I've already tried the Mrs. Duggar approach. I've been forgiving and tolerated more than a lot of people would. I don't know how to make my point anymore clear. The difference in this situation and others is that this friend is important to me for many reasons. Yet, now I feel like the respect I have felt is not mutual. Perhaps it is time for me to move on.
Why am I sharing this on a weight loss blog? It's affecting my working out. It's interfering with the journey. This journey that I have become so passionate about. Now I'm getting so emotional I feel like throwing up and I'm crying. I have to figure out how to work through this. I cannot let someone else's decisions impact my work and my health. I am going to have to make a change. It's going to be difficult and I'm going to have to find a balance between Kate and Mrs. Duggar. I think I'm scared and emotional because I don't want to sever a friendship and I don't want to have to start over.
In figuring out exactly how to deal with this, I have to continue on with my working out. It might be different, but I've overcome a lot in this journey. This is just a small mountain on the route to the finish.
Seriously??? Why can't people just treat each other with respect??? Is it too much to ask??? UGH!!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The 40th Birthday Season
It happened! I turned 40 on August 25th. It was one of the best birthdays of my life!!! My friend Stephanie organized a birthday party for me and my friend Dan from Las Vegas. Rachel had already planned a birthday party in Spring Hill so Stephanie took advantage of the opportunity and had a different cake for each of us. Mine was a FOOT!!! Never in my life did I think I would eat a foot, but I have to say it was the best foot EVER!!! It was so yummy. The best part of the night was being with friends. So many people were congratulating me on my progress on my weight loss journey. That always makes me feel special.
The next week my sister threw me a party at Paint Glaze and Fire. It was an intimate setting with family and some close friends. Everyone painted a tile for me as we sat around a table laughing at our artistic weaknesses. Sandy made some of her famous cupcakes for the event. People thought she had bought them, but she hadn't and they tasted even better than they looked and they were gorgeous. Sandy is going to turn the tiles into a mirror. I can't wait to have it hanging on my wall. Later that night it was time for a family barbecue where we had more cupcakes and some fun family pics. I loved that evening. I am so blessed with my family. (And Sis sent me home with 11 cupcakes. Oh how I love the birthday season! I ate them all with no remorse. A girl only turns 40 once!)
Dave and I were planning on going out the night after my birthday because it was a Friday. Our good friends Bob and Shirley insisted we go to dinner that night. The morning of my birthday I received a phone call from someone who is very special to me and my friend Amy gave me the most humorous poem with gifts for each stanza such as depends, aspirin, muscle cream, and vitamins. It was so hysterical. All day long my phone was buzzing with FB updates. I didn't have time to look at FB until after dinner. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak. I know you are SHOCKED that Tammy was speechless, but I was. 147 posts on my birthday. Unbelievable. I am so blessed and so loved. One lucky gal I am.
Dave took me to see The Help. It was my second time and it was even better than the first. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie you need to. It's a GREAT story.
This past weekend we went to Dave's parents for my birthday. Another barbecue and my mother in law's chocolate cake. It is DIVINE! We brought some of that home. Truth be told, I am glad we have finished every last crumb. I have to get back to it.
I am having to push myself to get to the gym each night after work. I'm having difficulty getting back into the routine of work, workout, homework. I have finished my written comps, but orals are just around the corner. I am also very busy at work. I can't seem to complete my to do list. Honestly, sometimes I can't even get to the to do list. I ran tonight and it was a great feeling. However, the entire time I was thinking of everything I needed to do at home so there was this anxiety about it. I have to get over this feeling. I have to get back to the feeling that my fitness comes first. The birthday season is over and I have to continue working hard and making fitness a priority in order to stay healthy.
The past two times I have worked out with Trainer I have been so sore the next few days I couldn't believe it. As I was lunging last week with him he was talking to me about the importance of being sore. It means the muscles are growing. Okay,it's all well and fine until you try to sit on the toilet and tears come to your eyes.
One of the things I accomplished this summer was cleaning out my clothes. Eight bags!!!! Eight bags of clothes that are way too big. I am 8 sizes down since starting this journey. I tried on clothes that literally fell off. What a feeling! With that being said, "Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." ~Carol Welch
Since I've started moving I have created such changes in my physical, emotional, and mental states. I have no intention of going back to the old me. I LOVE the new and improved me. A year and a half ago...I would have never said I love me because I was miserable. Thrilled with the decision to hire Trainer and the decisions I've been making since then. All of those decisions have added to the blessed feeling I have had during this amazing birthday season!
The next week my sister threw me a party at Paint Glaze and Fire. It was an intimate setting with family and some close friends. Everyone painted a tile for me as we sat around a table laughing at our artistic weaknesses. Sandy made some of her famous cupcakes for the event. People thought she had bought them, but she hadn't and they tasted even better than they looked and they were gorgeous. Sandy is going to turn the tiles into a mirror. I can't wait to have it hanging on my wall. Later that night it was time for a family barbecue where we had more cupcakes and some fun family pics. I loved that evening. I am so blessed with my family. (And Sis sent me home with 11 cupcakes. Oh how I love the birthday season! I ate them all with no remorse. A girl only turns 40 once!)
Dave and I were planning on going out the night after my birthday because it was a Friday. Our good friends Bob and Shirley insisted we go to dinner that night. The morning of my birthday I received a phone call from someone who is very special to me and my friend Amy gave me the most humorous poem with gifts for each stanza such as depends, aspirin, muscle cream, and vitamins. It was so hysterical. All day long my phone was buzzing with FB updates. I didn't have time to look at FB until after dinner. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak. I know you are SHOCKED that Tammy was speechless, but I was. 147 posts on my birthday. Unbelievable. I am so blessed and so loved. One lucky gal I am.
Dave took me to see The Help. It was my second time and it was even better than the first. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie you need to. It's a GREAT story.
This past weekend we went to Dave's parents for my birthday. Another barbecue and my mother in law's chocolate cake. It is DIVINE! We brought some of that home. Truth be told, I am glad we have finished every last crumb. I have to get back to it.
I am having to push myself to get to the gym each night after work. I'm having difficulty getting back into the routine of work, workout, homework. I have finished my written comps, but orals are just around the corner. I am also very busy at work. I can't seem to complete my to do list. Honestly, sometimes I can't even get to the to do list. I ran tonight and it was a great feeling. However, the entire time I was thinking of everything I needed to do at home so there was this anxiety about it. I have to get over this feeling. I have to get back to the feeling that my fitness comes first. The birthday season is over and I have to continue working hard and making fitness a priority in order to stay healthy.
The past two times I have worked out with Trainer I have been so sore the next few days I couldn't believe it. As I was lunging last week with him he was talking to me about the importance of being sore. It means the muscles are growing. Okay,it's all well and fine until you try to sit on the toilet and tears come to your eyes.
One of the things I accomplished this summer was cleaning out my clothes. Eight bags!!!! Eight bags of clothes that are way too big. I am 8 sizes down since starting this journey. I tried on clothes that literally fell off. What a feeling! With that being said, "Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." ~Carol Welch
Since I've started moving I have created such changes in my physical, emotional, and mental states. I have no intention of going back to the old me. I LOVE the new and improved me. A year and a half ago...I would have never said I love me because I was miserable. Thrilled with the decision to hire Trainer and the decisions I've been making since then. All of those decisions have added to the blessed feeling I have had during this amazing birthday season!
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