Brownies, Bloody Chocolate Cake, and Pains in my Butt!!!

As I was starting my day today a friend stopped at my office door and said, "Have you seen the bloody teacher's lounge?" I looked at her stunned. "It's pay day treats. Don't go in there. Chocolate cake, brownies, and a bucket of candy this big." My friend who had her arms outstretched to show me the size of the bucket of candy is on Weight Watchers. Well twenty minutes later I had to go make a copy. Readers, I am honestly reporting to you that she was not EVEN kidding. Do you think I wanted a piece of the chocolate cake? NOPE!!! I wanted to bury my head in it and not come up for air until I had inhaled the entire thing. It looked so moist with thick frosting (and a lot of it!). Nevermind the chips and cheese dip, the dip and crackers, the sausage and cheese, and the veges and dip. All I wanted was that chocolate. If you think that I have gained a lot of will power, you might be mistaken. I avoided the lounge like the plague for most of the day. Yet, it was as though the cake were whispering in my ear in a seductful way, "I'm here. I'm waiting. Come here beautiful!"

I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but when I did have to go in that wicked aroma filled room I had my hands in my back pockets. The whole blessed day. The jeans I was wearing were too big. At one point today as I was standing with my hands shoved as deeply as they would go, I learned I can take the jeans on and off without a snap or a zipper. (I didn't moon anyone, but did learn I probably need to go buy a new pair.)At lunch as I was waiting for my protein and veges to heat up I glanced closer at the brownies. BROWNIES WITH CARAMEL???? Truly, only people trying to sabotage me would have brought those. REALLY??? To everyone who took a bite...I asked "Are they worth it?" Not one person told me "No, they aren't worth it." They all made these moaning sounds. Where is my support system when I need it? Who are these people that have been cheering me on? Where did my friends go? One gentleman said, "Aren't you going to do it? Trainer couldn't even resist those." "My arms hurt so bad from the 200 pushups I did yesterday that I just don't think I should." Now as I'm saying this I'm thinking...I'm going to eat one of those brownies and just a taste of cake. But as I said it, the gentelman almost choked on his buffalo chicken chip and said, "You did not do 200 pushups. Be real. I can't even do 200 pushups." "If you count the 20 pike pushups I certainly did do 200 pushups!" "I don't believe you. Call Trainer Mike right now. Get him on the phone." Now I had a point to prove and I couldn't cave and eat the brownie or the bloody chocolate cake! On the day went. I did notice with my hands shoved in my back pockets that there is less of my butt. It feels firmer and tighter. This might seem weird, but keeping my hands on my butt kept me from indulging in brownies or the bloody chocolate cake all day! Not to mention the enormous container of Hershey's chocolate and other candy! Let's move on to the real pain in the butt...

My arms, legs, and abs have been sore all day. Tonight I walked into the gym and decided I would get the legs out of the way first. After doing leg presses and some hamstring work, I moved to the abductor/adductor machine. I was feeling pretty full of myself so I thought..."I'll just do 100 of these and then do cardio." I made it to exactly 93 and got a cramp in my butt. Please don't mistake this for a "Oh it is really sore burn." You know those charley horses you get in your leg in the middle of the night? That's what was happening in my butt. I was trying to remain calm. Sitting spread eagle acting like I was just pausing in my workout. In the few seconds this lasted (which felt much more like minutes) thoughts ran through my head. "Woman stuck on weight machine." "Gym calls emergency team to remove woman from weight machine" (which would have involved both my trainer and my husband tonight). Finally, the cramp subsided and I was able to get on the stepper and do my cardio. Now I go to bed with sore arms, sore legs, sore abs, AND a sore butt, but I didn't eat the brownies or the bloody chocolate cake! SCORE: 1 for Bunchy 0 for the Bulge!!!

I'm just going to add that yesterday Trainer Mike had me on a new contraption for abs because "Doing abs the other way isn't working for you anymore." You have to hook your feet around this thing and lay back. I jumped off several times before I even did a crunch because I was scared I was going to fall. Trainer Mike was relentless. "You are doing these," with this smirk on his face like I was a moron. Now with my accident history...do you blame me? Like I should by lying upside down ready to fall on my head? He assured me even if I did fall it would only be six inches or so. Have I mentioned that I never fall gracefully? A lot could happen to me in six inches. Tonight there was this high school kid using this contraption and the brilliant young lad put a foam block. Duh!!! Even though my orders were "Get used to this, we are going to be on it a lot" I didn't try it tonight on my own. Maybe tomorrow...for now...back to doctorate work!

School For The Gifted

Is this what you were referring to tonight Mike??? I'm still laughing. Okay Readers...here is what happened based on my perception and interpretation...
I worked out with Trainer yesterday after not working out for five days. When I arrived at the gym tonight to meet him again my legs and arms were on fire. As I was running he told me we would not be touching any weights tonight. We were only going to do exercises where I was working with my body. That means I did two hundred push ups, lots of squats, a new type of lunge, and some pull ups. So I got to the bar where I was to pull up and got ready to go. (I'm laughing so hard right now just typing this...) Mike says, "Tammy, you need your feet to go the other way or you are going to pull the bar off on you." I look at the bar and said, "Oh yeah. Yeah because it's not connected on this side." I turned myself around and as I began Mike said I remind him of the kid in this far side cartoon. Maybe I have not told Mike this, but I have told my husband many times...as I'm working on this doctorate there is soooo much new knowledge going in my brain that some stuff (and usually it's the common sense stuff) has to leave. There is simply not room for everything. AND more importantly, this is not a doctorate in physics...it's in Educational Leadership and Policy Analysis which would explain how I misjudged my distance yesterday and almost sprinted into the mirrored wall (which was complicated by the fact that I was supposed to be HIGH fiving Trainer on my way back and he was making me jump for it)and how tonight when leaving the gym I walked into the door. I'm still laughing!

Well I ended up not working out as much last week because I got icky sick. Thursday morning I woke up with this horrible mid back pain which didn't get better as the day went on. As a matter of fact, I became light headed and nauseous. I cancelled my session with Mike that night and was asleep before 7:00. I don't like to cancel my sessions it makes me grouchy, but to be completely honest...I felt so yucky I didn't even care. Friday I went to the chiropractor who said, "Tammy, what have you done?" I truly don't know what I did. So after another visit to the chiro on Saturday morning I was good to go for last night.

Truly, as I have spent this entire weekend working on this stinking Research Prospectus, I am very confident that working out is the BEST stress relief ever. Some of my fellow cohort members question how I have time to do the gym thing while going through this program, but I think I would be close to four hundred pounds and a wreck if I weren't doing it. I look forward to going to the gym each day. Even though I'm getting a lot better at pushing myself on my own, the workouts with Trainer are still the best. In order to write the Research Prospectus I have had to read over several other dissertations. There is this acknowledgement section. I'm pretty sure Trainer is going to get acknowledged in my dissertation because working out has been a major part of the doctoral journey.

I've hit a wall this semester with the doctoral program. If I hadn't invested so much time and money I think this semester would have been where I bowed out. Okay, probably not...because I don't quit stuff, but I have wanted to quit several times this semester. I'm burned out. I'm tired of reading and writing and revising and editing. With that said, I'm still enjoying the journey. I love learning. I really do. It's an amazing experience. Hopefully, a year from now I'll be defending the dissertation and so much closer to DR!!!!

Just one more thing before I sign off tonight. I've been sitting in here with my laptop for about three hours since I returned from the gym. Aside from going up and down the stairs to do laundry (which my legs are screaming at me for) I've been doing homework steady for three hours. Do you have any idea how many times pop tarts are advertised in three hours? Do you have any idea how good a pop tart sounds right now? I don't normally eat pop tarts! What the heck? It's simply because I want a carb...I get it, but holy moly!!! And now I'm watching this special on the upcoming Royal Wedding. You should see the candidates for the wedding cake...I want to dive my face right in. I can help Kate and William pick that cake out with NO problem!

Bunchy Boot Camp

I decided to make spring break my Boot Camp. Trying to jump start myself back into a serious routine. I feel like I'm fighting for every pound at this point. I need to be able to eat like my body is a machine and feed it only what will make it more efficient. It is a struggle every single day. I'm either terrified to eat or I'm craving food that isn't good for me. These past two days I've eaten very healthy. Eggs, chicken, veges, and protein shakes. I have no choices left. You know I was just watching a show on people climbing Mt. Everest. The higher they climb it's difficult to lift each leg to take a step. That's kind of how I'm feeling with eating. It is the biggest challenge for me in this journey. Most days I still feel like a failure. I feel like I should be losing faster. I know it's my own fault that I haven't lost more pounds. When you have struggled with eating forever it's difficult to change bad habits. I question everything that goes in my mouth.

I'm really sore tonight. Last night's workout with Trainer Mike was the second of the day and I call it a Near Death Experience. At one point, I asked him if he still liked me because we were hitting it so hard. He insisted it was for my own good. When I got on the scales this morning I had lost three pounds since yesterday morning. My mom asked what he had me doing...it was a set of lunges right into jumping jacks followed by push ups and then repeating the whole thing. Arm exercises and mountain climbers and frog hoppers and dead lifts. I truly felt like crying at one point. When I got home I puked. So I woke up this morning and was sore, but went to the gym anyway and did cardio. Tonight I went back and worked arms. Now in addition to my legs and abs being sore from last night, my arms are burning too.

Let me just add here that we have moved from "fake" pushups (on my knees) to real pushups most of the time now. I never thought this would be a possibility for me. It's surreal that I'm doing real pushups. Not all the time, but they are definately being incorporated.

Please don't think I'm complaining. I LOVE challenging workouts. Maybe not in the moment, but after I'm on a high. It's like "WOW! You did it!" Even today, I'm still pumped from last night and can't wait until my next trainer session.

I'll keep you posted on how the Boot Camp goes. Right now...I need to get back to some homework...

Dinner in Denver

I've spent the last two days in Denver at the International Positive Behavior Support Conference. No, smart alecks...this was NOT for my behavior. HA!

For the past two weeks I've had a sinus and ear infection. A week ago I finally caved and went to the doctor only because I knew I had to get on a plane. The doctor gave me an antibiotic to start and eventually a steroid. On the day I was feeling my worst I went to have a work out with Trainer Mike. I couldn't lift anything and had no strength. That was a week ago yesterday. I haven't been to the gym since. UGH! We were going to work out tonight, but things were changed around and now I'm meeting with him on Monday. This will give me a chance to get in the gym for the next two days and hit it on my own so that perhaps Monday won't be so grueling.

Before leaving for Denver, I had lost four pounds. Now maybe this was because I hadn't been working out or perhaps it was because I was really watching what I was eating because I was terrified of the steroid effect. It really doesn't matter. I am quite sure if I get on the scales in the morning there will be a significant increase in the number. Add to the fact that I haven't been working out, the past three days of sitting. I've either been sitting in an airport, on an airplane, or in a conference session. The only breaks have been when my colleagues and I went for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Wednesday night's dinner wasn't even until 11:00 p.m. because of our flight delay. That was midnight our time. Yesterday's lunch was at the Hard Rock Cafe. I ordered a salad!!! I think the fried chicken and dressing that was on it kind of defeated the purpose. Last night someone had recommended an Italian place to us saying "It will be the best Italian you ever eat." Okay...he was soooo RIGHT!!! Imagine our surprise when the salad made Olive Garden salad seem like Road Kill. The salad was sooo good in fact that we asked for extra dressing so we could dip the warm home made bread in it. Then came the Ziti I ordered. Chefs shouldn't cook food this good. They really shouldn't. Now I can't even describe to you teh three layered chocolate cake the size of a whole pie that went by our table. I gasped out loud when I saw it. I could hardly get my friend's attention fast enough to make sure she saw it as well. You'll be happy to know we didn't order it. Instead, we ordered the smore cake. It was just as large. We were all pretty miserable walking the three blocks back to the hotel. Hey does that count that each time we went to eat we walked about three blocks there and back??? I know...it totally doesn't.

I guess the moral of this story is the thin girl who is struggling to get out was thrown down by the fat girl while in Denver. The fat girl didn't even care about what was right. She was overwhelmed by all the choices and just went for it. The thin girl needs to get stronger and fight back. This next week I'm on spring break. Going to spend some serious time working out and concentrating on diet. I'll keep you posted and let you know how it goes!