Scared...

I leave for Columbia Monday. It's intense there. Lots of work to do. We're staying in a hotel with a gym, but I'm worried about getting my workouts in. I'm terrified about eating. CRIKEY! This is going to stink. I really want to get another workout in with Mike before I leave. Hope he has Saturday off or that we can work out Sunday or Monday. I feel like I need a hard core workout before I leave.

I can feel the progress. I don't want to lose momentum in this part of my life just because the intensity of another part of my life is picking up.

People are cracking me up on Facebook with their comments about my 200 push ups. I must say...my arms and shoulders are hurting already. This means I'll be feeling FANtastic in the morning. I used to think it was a big deal to do 20 push ups, but I must say I'm impressed with myself. One person said, "So seriously? Didn't you just want to quit?" No, not so much. Another friend said, "Where did you find this guy? He must be really inspiring. I wish I could find someone like that. How does he motivate you like that?" The deal is (and pardon me if I've said this before...I don't remember)there could not be a better match for me in a trainer. Mike is absolutely perfect. It's an amazing balance and I am motivated. I promise that if I were working with someone else these changes would not be happening. After only a few workouts together I asked him, "So you don't plan on moving away anytime soon? Cause I'm in this for the long term." He assured me he would be around for a long time. There are several reasons it's a great match. He is really knowledgeable about the body and fitness and food and how they all work together. I'm always learning something. We can joke around while working out and humor is important to me. I think he is really insightful about how bad I want this and how challenging it's been for me as well as being in tune to the mental blocks I allow to get in the way. Anyway, ODE TO THE TRAINER!

I've digressed from being scared...I'm scared about a lot in my life right now. It doesn't all have to do with working out. It's about half that and half the doctorate program. Obviously, I'm scared of all of the work that looms ahead for both. What if in a year I don't reach my fitness goals? What if I can't land on a dissertation topic? What if I don't get a position next year as either a principal or an assistant principal? Most importantly...I'm scared of the changed person I am. When I came back from Columbia last summer I knew I was different and I've continued to change throughout the year. It all scares me.

Well...until next time...

Calories, Shmalories!

If someone would have told me before this journey started that one of my biggest challenges would be getting enough calories in, I would have said, "Yeah right!"

Turns out...it is a HUGE problem. I'm using this online journal to track my calories, protein, and carbs. The goals were set for me by Mike. Thank God because I would have had NO idea what goals to set for myself.

I haven't entered anything into this program for a while because I was too busy. Well...then there was the fact that I only ate once on Saturday and once yesterday. I know this is not healthy. It's just sometimes I get so busy and feel so rushed that I don't take time to eat.

Today, however, I've eaten three times and I'm still 800 calories short of my goal. I cannot eat 800 calories between now and the time I go to bed. I mean I could...it would involve a trip to Sheridans or Dairy Queen, but then that wouldn't balance out with the amount of protein I need and would put me over on carbs. Who knew? Oh well...tomorrow is a new day and I'm starting off with an oatmeal/protein shake!

I'm Not A Runner...

"How are you today?" Mike nicely asked. "Well I've had this muscle spasm in my shoulder since last night. I've had three muscle relaxers and it's still there." "When was the last time you had a muscle relaxer?" "About 9:00 this morning." "We're good then. Let's go outside. We're going to run." RUN??? Hearing that three letter word as part of my workout sent my heart into a rapid pace. My legs hadn't started moving yet and I was breathing heavily. Then we started. And I quit. I begged to walk briskly. I was allowed to get away with that for a short while. Mike started running with me. He wasn't into the brisk walking thing. Four laps. Then some sprinting followed by, you know it, lunges.

Eighteen minutes in the parking lot and we were allowed to go inside and do jumping jacks. Those two words, jumping jacks, increase my heart rate before I ever begin the exercise. I have a fear of jumping jacks and running. I shared this information with Mike who says he can use that to our advantage.

We mixed in some killer arm work and some dead lifts. I told Mike repeatedly how much I didn't like him. I assured him I was saying this and calling him names with only love. At one point, Mike told me I needed a little Jesus in my workouts. I don't know if it was because it was a Sunday or what. But here is what I will say and it's serious.

I've been praying about my weight for a long time. Praying that I would figure out the way to get the weight off and start feeling better about myself. Last year when the doctor told me I was borderline diabetic I got scared, but I didn't know what to do. I've tried a lot of diets and failed miserably. I just want to be healthy. When my husband came home and told me he had talked to Mike about me and Mike wanted to work out with me...it took me at least three months to quit making excuses. I made excuses because I was too fat and too out of shape to work with a trainer. Are you kidding me? I didn't want this guy to see what a loser I was and be like..."no there's nothing I can do for you." I kept praying and hiring Mike was the answer I kept getting. So I called him. Still I was scared because if he was screaming at me like the trainers on Biggest Loser that wouldn't be my thing. If he were at the other end of the spectrum acting like a cheerleader...well that woudn't be my thing either. Mike is the perfect trainer for me. He pushes me and he knows so much about how the body works that it never ceases to amaze me. An answered prayer is what this is.

I recently had someone ask me if I was going to be done working out with Mike after six more weeks and I said, "NO!" I've already had this conversation with Mike. I'm in this for the long haul. I get giddy when people tell me they can tell a difference in me. It is a total high for me. However, this is more than how I look. It's about developing confidence and challenging my body physically in ways I have been scared to before. I'm in this for the long term and lovin every minute of it.

It's a German Thing!

Tonight Mike decided we would do something that works for the Germans. 10 reps of each exercise 6 times. I should have known when he walked in with a stop watch he was serious. He used it to make sure I got my full 45 second break between sets. Of course, the 45 second break decreased to 30 seconds quickly. And when I had to do a wall squat for 60 seconds...I started speaking Russian! Who knew???

This week everyone has been noticing a difference. My response is always, "Really? I'm not seeing it. Keep telling me. This feedback keeps me going." However, I have been striking some poses in front of every mirror I see. The mirror in the bedroom, in the hall, in the bathroom at home, the bathroom at work. I think I am starting to notice. People think I should be able to tell a difference in my clothes. My pants feel bigger, but then I think...well maybe they have always fit this way? So...I pulled out the tape measure...I'm down 9.5 inches total. Even though I'm a results now kinda gal, I'm impressed. It makes me want to drive right back to the gym and work out again!

And another difference which has been very obvious to me has to do with the girls. At first I thought it was this new bra I bought and maybe that does have a lot to do with it. They are certainly not looking like the ones on this girl working out at the gym tonight, but I'm 99% sure hers were fake. The thing is...this is an unexpected outcome. I never ever thought I would be noticing a difference there, but I am!!! ;)

Zumba is NOT my thing

Last night I hopped on the elliptical, but a Zumba class was starting and I decided it would be way more fun. This was my third class. I pretty much made up my mind it is NOT for me. Here are the five reasons why Zumba and Bunchy are not a good mix.

5.The word Tequila was said repeatedly during one of the songs. All I could think of was whoever invented this gyrating movement had to have been drinking some Tequila at the time cuz my body can't move like that.
4. Standing in the front right behind the instructor so I can try to mimic her every move is great except all of the people behind you can then see the ludicrous mistakes you make.
3. Zumba uses moves from Latin dancing such as: Salsa, Merengue, Mambo, and Salsa. These dances look GREAT when professional dancers are doing them. They are so romantic when a man and woman are moving in sync together as one. Some might think it's comical when they try to do these dances. I don't think there is a lot of comedy in me trying to do the dances...it might make someone want to hurl more likely.
2. Moving my hips in a circular motion takes a lot of concentration and then when you are moving your arms in a different direction...well it probably appears I'm having some sort of a seizure. It's totally like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time.
1.This white girl ain't got no rhythm...it's a struggle the whole time. If you go back in my family history you will find no Latin heritage...maybe some Native Americans...maybe I should try doing a rain dance or something??? Zumba is NOT in my genes.

It will be a very long time before I try this again if ever.

Sunday Afternoon At the Gym

GREAT workout today. Let's base this on the fact that there was sweat, epoch breathing, and hitt cardio which resulted in a feeling of the need to puke. Epoch breathing is when I'm breathing so hard I can't yell at the trainer. I might rephrase it as an epic in that I almost felt like I was going to have an out of body experience. Went a little something like this... I'm doing jumping jacks while Mike watched the clock to make sure I got my full 30 seconds and didn't cheat myself. At the end of 30 seconds I had a welcome 15 second break and then had to do squats and lift a weight over my head for 30 seconds followed by a 15 second break and then repeat 2 more times. On the last session of jumping jacks I seriously felt like I was going to fall over, however, the trainer was still watching the clock. I was breathing so hard I couldn't tell him..."Hey, I'm going to fall over"...I knew that if I stopped he would either a) add another set or b) add more time...so I just kept going and thought if I fall there is nothing I can do to stop it. At the end of this I said, "I need to puke." Trainer reply? "Good, we are working out now." It was intense. Okay...let me clarify...intense for me. We finished the session with abs and a great conversation about nutrition and working out. I left the gym and the pukey feeling only lasted for about thirty minutes. It's all good.

Here is what has to happen now...I have to have my husband either throw the scales away or hide them from me. The number is getting in the way. It's not going down as quickly as I think it should. The scales have been a problem for me in the past. I sabotage myself with the number. I'll even check the scales 5-6 times a day to monitor my progress. Please don't think I'm too sore to rid myself of the scales...I can't mentally do it. I have to just put him in charge of doing this for me.

Now it's been 5 hours since the workout and I'm starting to feel it. Things are getting sore. Specifically, my legs and butt. OW!

A LONNNNGGGG WORKOUT!

I didn't post Tuesday after my session because I could barely move. Mike was running late and told me to go ahead and warm up. I was on the treadmill for 45 minutes before we started. Several times throughout the workout I mentioned...I've already done 45 minutes on the treadmill. His response? "I didn't see it."

He decided to throw in the assisted chin up machine again. Those of you that know me understand I am TERRIFIED of heights. I don't know what kind of drugs the creator of this piece of equipment was smoking, but he wasn't sober. I am confident it was a he because a woman would have more sense than this. Anyway, I'm holding on for dear life and Mike is saying, "Do not let go." Really? You think this could even be a remote possibility? That's just funny to me. I might not be able to lift myself up, but I will NEVER let go.

My knees are almost a hundred percent better so we worked the legs. Mike was pretty excited because he has discovered this new excercise. It was very challenging and I can still feel the effects two days later. I like a good burn. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

The workout was intense. I came home and collapsed on the bed. Lifting my head up occasionally to check FB and typing a few responses. I wanted to shower. I needed to shower, but I had no energy left. I was spent. I fell asleep and slept through the storm that hit the next morning. It's all good. And as challenging as all of this has been, last night in class when I was asked to share a passion...I talked about working out!