The Number on the Scale is After All Just a Number

Everyone says the number on the scale doesn't matter. If you've been reading a while, you know I've struggled with this. Yes, the scale has gone down 65 pounds. No, I'm not done. No it's not coming off fast enough. With about 40 more pounds to go, I have once again hit a plateau. In December my scales broke. I'm trying very hard to not replace them. My trainer reminded me there is a scale at the gym for my use and I don't need them here. Since we've returned to work from winter break, I've had many people compliment on how much thinner I'm looking. I've said thank you while the dialogue in my head goes something like this, "Shoo...I can't look slimmer because the scale isn't going down. Glad I'm faking people out." The rational part of me realizes this is ridiculous. I've been working out hard. My clothes continue to get looser. The other part of me is tied to the number on the scale. I've had this pair of khakis that have been too big for a while. I put them on this week and questioned whether or not to even wear them to work. I was in a khaki mood. They were big. They were comfy. Or not. After I got to work, I realized they were so big that I had to hold them up. Thank God I didn't have to run and chase a student that day. I don't think I could have kept them up. Several people made comments on that day about how necessary it was to retire those pants. I share the khaki story in prep for what happened last night. I am too cheap to go and pay full price for pants that are going to be too big in a few weeks (hopefully). Last night I left work and stopped at a thrift shop several co workers go to. One co worker happened to be there. I found a pair of khakis in my current size. While we were looking at other pants in hopes of finding a great bargain, Stacey asked me what size I was in. I told her and she promptly found a pair of pants one size smaller than what I had said. She said, you can wear these. I argued. No I can't. I'm not there yet. Yep. Bunchy ended up eating a mouthful of crow. They fit. Really nicely I might add. I wouldn't say I'm solidly in that smaller size yet, but I'm closing in on it. That's ten pant sizes since the journey began. TEN!!! I guess the point of this blog is to add evidence to the argument against basing success on the number on the scale. The scale has no idea that I can lift more than ever before, my cardio endurance is triple of when I started, and all of the other successes I am enjoying because of my hard work. The scale is after all just a number. With that being said, my trainer has devised a "diet" plan for me to get rid of some fat. We are hoping it will come off pretty quickly. It's called carb cycling. Three days a week I will only have a carb with breakfast. The other four days I have a carb with breakfast and another before 3:00. The plan starts in the morning. Veges don't count as carbs. I throw this in because I know there are some extreme plans where one can't have veges. I'll keep you posted on how this goes.

Resolutions vs. Commitments

Really? Really? It's been since October 29th that I've posted on here. OOPS! I have decided that I must post at least one blog per week this year. Time permitting, I will post more. I want to write today about the difference between a New Year's Resolution and a commitment. I've been doing some research about effective goal setting. According to Wikipedia a commitment is: "Commitment means to duty or pledge to some thing or someone, and can refer to: Personal commitment, interaction dominated by obligations. These obligations may be mutual, or self-imposed, or explicitly stated, or may not. Distinction is often made between commitment as a member of an organisation (such as a sporting team, a religion, or as an employee). A personal commitment is a pledge or promise to ones' self for personal growth." While a New Year's Resolution is: " A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until fulfilled." According to the dictionary: "RESOLUTION > Noun. (1) a firm decision to do or not to do something: she kept her resolution not to see Anne any more ¦ a New Year's resolution." "COMMITMENT > (1) the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity: the company's commitment to quality ¦ I could not fault my players for commitment." Some might say the difference between the two is splitting hairs. For me, there is a difference bigger than a hair. For years, I was ready to start my new weight loss plan on New Years. Since I had failed and was still overweight at Thanksgiving of X year, I would get through the holidays and come the first of the year I would make my resolution to lose weight. I was determined. I was going to get the weight off once and for all. Sometimes my resolution involved a certain exercise plan or sometimes it involved a specific diet such as Weight Watchers. One year I remember doing something Dr. Phil had prescribed. I bought a book and spent Christmas break reading it so I was ready on the 1st. However, since 2010 I have been committed to getting fit and healthy. As a result, I have lost a significant amount of weight and gained a lot of self confidence. Guess what? That commitment did not start in January. I think that I had joined a Biggest Loser contest at work and was trying once again to eat healthy. Actually, I was going through the motions of weighing in every week. Sometimes I lost, more often than not I gained or stayed the same. Frustration grew. Even bitterness toward those who were being really successful. For me the commitment started in May of 2010 when I first started working with Trainer Mike. Again, the difference between making a resolution and making a commitment. A resolution is “the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.” In contrast, a commitment is defined as “a pledge or promise; obligation.” For me, the difference between the two is where the personal responsibility lies. A resolution says what one intends to do. A commitment contains more emotional responsibility because one is making a "promise" to achieve a goal. When I make a promise, I keep it because my integrity is on the line. When I am committed to something, I do what it takes to make it happen. As I've been conducting interviews for my dissertation which examines the new Missouri Teacher Evaluation Model, I have found that one of the areas on which teachers are evaluated is commitment. This might include something as basic as having the right certification and credentials. In reality, it includes far more. Things that are looked at are what a teacher does as far as professional growth, their commitment to their students, commitment to their organization, and commitment to the craft of teaching in general. Many businesses have evaluated employee commitment for a long time. As professionals, many of us are committed to our careers. A resolution, then, might be a goal one sets and one might even take steps toward reaching that goal. In my opinion the reason why so often we aren't successful with our resolutions is because they are the first thing to go when the New Year wears off and life sets in. You know life? Professional obligations, family obligations, stress...Yep when those things get in the way we let our resolutions go. If we are committed to something we are more likely to hold onto it. Experts say we often self sabotage by getting to ambitious and setting too many goals. I have made a few commitments this year which I posted on my FB page. My number 1 commitment which comes before anything else is my commitment to my fitness journey. Therefore, I am committed to lose the final 40. There are many action steps that go with this. I have to get to the gym every day. I have to make the right food choices. I need to get enough sleep. I have to take my vitamins. You get it. I do all of these action steps because I am committed to my fitness journey. As we begin the new year make sure you examine what you are setting yourself up for. Are you making a resolution because it's the thing to do? Or are you making a commitment for which you will set action steps and follow through? I'm just Bunchy. I am only speaking from my experience. If you have set resolutions in the past and been successful, CARRY ON!!! FYI: Two other commitments I have made this year. 1) Keep up on my Bunchy Beats The Bulge FB page and 2) Be a more frequent blogger. If you need help getting going, let me know. I'll help if I can. :)

Working Out Against Drugs

I have one of the most rewarding jobs. I'm an elementary school counselor. Yes, many times it is challenging, but overall, I get up excited to go to work and LOVING what I do. Today we started our Red Ribbon Week Campaign. A new theme each day to help instill in kids the importance of never starting drugs. Today was "Work Out Against Drugs". Great way to start the week...dressed in workout clothes! I decided that to kick the week off I would go into each classroom for a five minute cardio workout. We have 15 classrooms. I scheduled all of the visits within two hours. The longest break I had was 7 minutes. I had an absolute blast. I think many of the adults couldn't believe that I was actually doing this much cardio. At several points I was asked if I was going to go home and shower. Not only is it so important for our kids to realize how unhealthy it is to start drugs. They need to learn how easy it is to get addicted. They also need to learn how important it is to take care of our bodies. I told them all that the more they move the better. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress. As I've been process today there are several things that have come to mind. 1. The sad part of the day was that I had a few kids who complained. Please know this was very few, but still. Now that I am so into taking care of me, it scares me that these little people don't want to move. Our society has become so sedentary. It's soooo sad and scary. If you have kids you need to get moving as a family. 2. When I was a child, I dreaded gym. I HATED it. I was not a competitive person. I was also overweight. I couldn't run like the other kids. I was always worried they would make fun of me. In middle school and high school I would sometimes fake injuries (I can't believe I just admitted this publically) to get out of PE. I remember spraining my wrist during a volleyball game and having to go to the dr. I was thrilled when my hand went in a brace and I couldn't do PE for 4 weeks. Having that experience, and being where I am now...the wheels are turning. What can I do for the kids I work with? How can I get them more active? I welcome your suggestions. 3. Two years ago, I would have never dreamed of doing something like this. Let's start with the attire. I wouldn't have worn work out attire to school unless it was REALLY baggy. Nothing fitted like I had on today. I would not have wanted anyone to see the fat rolls. Oh yes! I know! There are still rolls there. I am not perfect by any means. I'm in a way better place than I was two years ago in so many ways. Two years ago there was no way I would have even dreamed up something like this. If I had, someone else would have needed to do it because I didn't have what it took. So the fact that I came up with this plan and put it in place is a pretty big accomplishment for me. I'm feeling really really good about today. I'm a bit tired and my legs are a little sore. Every workout involved 25 jumping jacks and 25 squats among other things. That's 350 jumping jacks and 350 squats total. I had a couple of teachers come up to me at the end of the day and tell me they thought we should start each day like that because it did make a positive difference in the kids for the rest of the day. We might be onto something here. Hmmmmm.....the wheels are turning!I welcome your suggestions here too.

Patience, Measurements, and Food Excuses

I met with trainer Brandon this morning. As I handed him a picture of me from the spring of 2010, I said, "This is how it started 2 years ago." Brandon is keeping the picture because he says it will come in handy in the future. He said, "That's a big change." So we did thirty minutes of upper body today. Next week will be our sixth workout so Brandon has promised we are going to measure again. About two sets after he made this announcement, I said, "What if I haven't made any progress? I'm nervous." "I'm nervous too." I gave him a weird look, I'm sure. I was thinking...nervous? why is the trainer nervous? I told him, "Look if I'm going to be nervous that's one thing. One of us has to be strong so that's going to be you." We then went over what I would be eating for the rest of the week. Knowing that the tape measure is coming out on Saturday morning and that body fat tester thing a ma jig! I will be eating ONLY what I'm supposed to eat and for sure six times a day. I was pretty happy this morning because the scales had gone down two pounds. Brandon isn't as worried about the number on the scale as I am. He is more concerned with body fat numbers, and inches. I should be concerned with what Brandon is concerned with too. However, I can look at the number on the scale more frequently. This is when I told Brandon I was getting frustrated. I can see these big changes I've made, but at the same time I have so far to go. I look in the mirror and there are parts that just don't make me happy. Brandon told me I need to work on being patient. PATIENT???? Obviously, he doesn't know me very well yet. Patience is not one of my strengths. Bottom Line: I will probably be increasingly nervous as the week begins to approach Saturday morning. I WANT RESULTS! With that being said, I did wear a pair of jeans to work on Friday which were a size smaller than the ones I had been wearing. It's a GREAT feeling to be able to continually downsize your clothes. Just today I cleaned out two bags of clothes that are far too big to wear. My husband was laughing that we could have used a pair of the pants as a tent. People have been asking what I eat for my six meals a day. I usually start out with a protein bar. Although, I'm switching that to oatmeal this week. My mid morning snack is a greek yogurt. Following that I have chicken and a vege for lunch, then a couple of hours later I eat an apple with some peanut butter, my afternoon snack is usually a hand full of almonds. For dinner, I eat a protein with a vegetable. Now, I've only truly done this for one week. I spent three weeks complaining and making excuses. Like last week when I met with Brandon and he asked me how the eating had been going and I said, "I have been sick this week so the eating hasn't been good." He said, "What does hasn't been good mean?" I said, "Epic fail. I didn't have an appetite so I didn't eat. It wasn't that I made bad choices as far as what food I did eat. I just didn't eat a lot. Brandon looked me in the eye and said, "Sweetheart, you are preaching to the choir. I used to have to eat 7,000 calories a day. I would go to bed and my jaw would hurt because I had chewed so much meat. Sometimes, I had to force myself to eat because nothing sounded good and I didn't want to eat because I wasn't hungry." Well...I guess he just put my excuses to rest. As I was trying to process what he had said, he spoke again, "I don't care if you have to force yourself to eat. You eat six times a day. You eat your 1200 calories. You eat your hundred grams of protein and don't have more than a hundred carbs." At this moment, I realized Brandon is really really serious about eating. You might think I'm being sarcastic, I'm not. The reality is when I worked out with Mike, he told me what to eat and it was so outrageous that I struggled with it. We were getting results so as long I didn't eat ridiculous food it was ok. We also didn't talk about food regularly. We were much more focused on the workouts. When I worked out with Kelly she told me what to eat at our first session and then we didn't talk about it again. (SSSHHHHHH...no accountability for me there.) Food has been such a battle for me my whole life that I'm scared of it. I feel like if you don't eat enough you won't lose weight. If you eat too much you gain weight. I can never figure out the balance. Brandon is teaching me the balance and he's also holding me accountable. Here's the other thing that I'm just now figuring out as I'm typing this right now...throughout these two and a half years of my getting fit journey I've still made excuses for food. Now, I'm getting really good at saying, "No. I don't eat cake, or no I'm not eating that." I don't worry that I'm offending someone because my health is more important than their feelings. (Truthfully, if someone gets their feelings hurt because you aren't eating their food...that's a whole other issue that I'm glad I don't have to worry about. I can't imagine having hurt feelings because I cooked something and someone said they didn't want any, BUT we all know there are those out there who walk around in a fragile state most of the time.)So I'm getting good at saying no, but I'm still making excuses. Excuses such as: "I didn't feel well enough to eat." or "I'm too busy to eat six times a day. I'll eat as much as I can." I think that Brandon is good enough at what he does and he's probably worked with a lot of people like me and he knew they were excuses even when I didn't! AHA! Wow...sometimes this blog surprises me so much because I figure things out while writing it. He knew that I was making excuses. I didn't know it then, but I do now. This is really really big for me. I still waiver on going to the gym in the mornings. It's nice to get it out of the way, but I am not a morning person. I feel like I do a much better workout in the evenings. However, I will go when I have to.

The Trainer "Brought It"!

I met with my trainer on Sunday morning. It's Wednesday night and my arms are still on fire. I do NOT like assisted pull ups. I do not like them at all! All day today I've had to stretch my arm by applying force. I had lost range of motion and doing the simplest tasks resulted in pain. I don't think this part of my arm has ever hurt before. Our first two workouts we had done a mix of exercises some stable and some not. This time we did everything on the free weights. I wasn't feeling well and Trainer had the same crud. I knew I wasn't on my best game, but I think the part of him that wasn't feeling well went into crazy man mode. I told him before the first session that I was paying him for challenges so "bring it!" He told me to be careful what I wished for. Obviously, he "brought it!" on Sunday. From this point forward, I will probably be nervous before our workouts. Pain is weakness leaving the body...right? If that's the case bring the pain and let me embrace it, my goal is to become strooonnnggggeeerrrr!

I did miss Monday and Tuesday workouts this week. A sinus/upper respiratory infection does not lend itself well to going to the gym. I came home early from work on Monday and slept. I stayed all day yesterday, but didn't feel well and was cranky. I was trying to keep my crankiness to myself, but much to my dismay it came out in a wrath to two of my closest friends late in the day. I felt so bad. We had just found out that another of our very dear friends had been diagnosed for the second time with breast cancer. It was that news that put me over the edge. The pre workout Bunchy would have not connected the dots. However, I did connect the dots rather quickly. I hadn't worked out in two days and I wasn't having any stress relief. I came home last night and got my workout clothes ready. I was waiting for the alarm this morning when it went off. I did think I was going to pass out on the stepper this morning. My cough was triggered. My heart rate went higher than it should. Sweat was dripping off of me. Yet, I did my 30 minutes of cardio and my 30 minutes of strength training sans assisted pull ups. Now my legs are sore and I'm good with that. Might as well have balanced soreness...upper and lower body! Truly, exercise does keep me much calmer. It keeps me in check. There are times when I feel really stressed and think "I've got to get to the gym! I've got to get an extra workout in!" There are other times like yesterday when it rears it's ugly head and smacks me in the face "GET OVER BEING SICK AND GET BACK AT IT!" (Thank God for understanding friends who realize sometimes you unleash your emotions on those you love the most because you know they will be there for you. They then call and check on you and help you process through your day. Thank God for friends like AW and LB!) After making such a big deal out of eating in last week's entry, I better not avoid it this week. The food journal looked better to Trainer. He was pleased. I was getting my calories in and keeping my proteins and carbs where they need to be. I'm just going to tell you right now, I haven't journaled since Saturday because I have had no appetite. I haven't felt like eating. Today was the first day I actually ate three meals. Yes, Brandon, I know I need 6. That's tomorrow's goal. I did post some great ideas for breakfast on my FB page. If you all have ideas for what you do for breakfast I would love to hear it. Please share. Above all else, this is a process. Sometimes, it's more painful than others. Make sure you are setting a fitness goal each day. Working out in the mornings isn't my favorite thing to do. In order to make that happen, I have to get the clothes, shoes, and socks laid out the night before. I cannot leave myself any excuses. I have to be ready to roll or it won't happen. I don't know if I've shared these before, but it won't hurt...

Introducing...A New Trainer

It's been too long since I have posted. Trying to work on the dissertation, get my workouts in, long days at work, while planning and throwing a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband have left my blogging time limited. I have soooo much to catch you up on. First, let me introduce you to Brandon. In August, I was at the gym working on getting miles in. I had finished 5 on the stepper and decided to do some on the bike. This nice guy came up and introduced himself as a new trainer to my gym and asked if I wanted to do a free intro session with him. We ended up talking for a while and I gave him some highlights of my journey. I was up front with him and told him I had no intention of hiring a trainer. We ended up scheduling my intro session for a couple of days later. I felt an instant connection. He laughed when I was a smart aleck which is a huge plus for me. Seriously, if you aren't going to laugh with me, you're not my cup of tea. I came home and talked to my husband and we pondered it and decided that my health is worth the financial obligation. I decided to try it and see what happens. I needed to get through the month of September which kicked my butt because of after school obligations. This morning was my second official workout with Brandon. Last Monday, I sent him a text to thank him for the soreness I was experiencing. During the first workout, Brandon told me that I needed to keep a food log for the entire week. If I ate it or drank it I wrote it down. I realize this is good diet practice. However, I'm letting you know I've not done it. I record my workouts, but not my eating. Obviously, I tried to be EXTREMELY careful of what went into my mouth because...you guys that have been reading for a while already know this...I can't fail. NO!!! That would not be an option for Bunchy! EXCEPT...that's EXACTLY what happened! My mom and I talk every Sunday morning. Today I told her I was a little scared to meet with my trainer because I thought he might yell at me. Of course she wanted to know why. "Well, I didn't mean to, but there was a 29 hour period where I didn't eat at all." "TAMMY! You tell Brandon that he has MY permission to yell at you. Are you going to be honest with him? Even though I've been sick this week, I've eaten!" Way to make a girl feel MORE scared about going to meet with the trainer. Into the gym I went, not feeling confident. Knowing I had to turn the food journal over to the trainer. First words out of my mouth, "My mom said you can yell at me. Trust me, she already lectured me." I'm thinking I'm going to get reprimanded for this period from Thursday into Friday which I did, but there was more. There was only ONE day out of the week when I neared getting enough food. REALLY? REALLY? I completely missed the mark each day. One day would have been okay if I had switched my lunch and dinner. Brandon's philosophy is that I'm going to eat right so WE can get the workouts to be effective. If I don't get enough food or I eat too much food the workouts are for nothing. This is common sense right? Yet it's so freaking complicated. I didn't eat for 29 hours because I woke up on Thursday morning with pink eye in both eyes. A parent of three of our students died in a motorcycle accident, a nine year old student who is watching her 19 year old sister battle bone cancer, lots of people in my personal life dealing with health issues, lots of stuff going on at school. I think I was suffering a bit of compassion fatigue. I know I was because I totally lost it a couple of times. Thursday I totally didn't make time for lunch and by the time I arrived home, I was simply too tired to eat. And I was just telling a friend, I'm scared of food. Poor food choices led me being unhealthy and fat. I just don't trust it. Okay, I get that food is inanimate. I don't trust myself. I just can't get into the routine of eating 6 times a day. This is a huge challenge for me. It's mental. I'm typing this with tears in my eyes. WHY WHY WHY do I continue to make eating an enemy??? Guess I'm going to have to trust this process and realize I need food to lose weight. I do like Brandon. He takes my success personal. He told me that we are in this together. I need that. I'm very impressed with how far I've come. I'm very proud of my cardio this summer. 100 miles in June. 100 miles in July. 125 miles in August. 100 miles in September. Now it's time to get the resistance and strength training back in. Having Brandon to guide me is going to be a huge help. Let's talk about early morning workouts now. I hope you didn't fall over reading that. The last few weeks have been so busy and I haven't been home much before 7:00 with several nights as late as 8:00 or 8:30. It wasn't an option to not go to the gym so I started setting the alarm for 5:00 or 5:30 depending on my morning schedule. The first week Mom said, "Don't you love going to the gym early?" "NO! I HATE IT!" By the end of the third week which was last week, I was starting to like it. I think if I had the option, I would probably choose after work, but I do like going in and knocking it out before the day begins. Typically, the gym isn't that crowded at that time anyway. Still making progress. Still enjoying the journey. Still amazed at where I started and where I am now. Take a look... This pic was taken in April 2010

This pic was taken in September 2012

If you are struggling with your journey, don't give up! PLEASE! Don't give up. Message me. I will do my best to help you through. It's not all easy, but I wouldn't go back for anything. Being healthy, feeling good, and having energy is worth every challenge and obstacle.

A Workout with Biggest Loser Winner, Ali Vincent

My friend, Belinda, and I started our day out by working out with Ali Vincent who was the first female to win Biggest Loser. My alarm went off and I didn't even hit snooze. I catapulted out of bed because I was so excited. We arrived at our destination an hour early. A beautiful park just off of the plaza in KC with the JC Nichols fountain. The morning was brisk, but that feeling didn't last for long. Once we spotted Ali, I felt as though a mega star had entered the park. I felt like I was at a concert or backstage or something. Never in all of my excitement did I feel anxious about doing the workout. Nope those thoughts never crossed my mind. Ali was soooo sweet. She took pics with us and kept encouraging us to ask questions. When a crowd of 42 people had arrived and all had signed media and injury releases, the workout began. The sweet Ali disappeared. I have never ever done that many burpees at one time in my life. Remember how I couldn't hold a plank for a minute? I did plank walks for four minutes. Crunches, sprints, jumping jacks, toe touches, bicycles, back pedals, side steps, frog hoppers,sprints, sprints, and more sprints! It was absolutely fantastic! Ali is very driven. She was yelling at us to go faster and hustle. Sweat was pouring off of me. As we started to cool down and stretch, Ali opened up for more questions. A participant asked: "How do you support your mom or others around you who are trying to lose weight?" I loved Ali's response: "Well there is a difference between support and enabling. We never make excuses for those we love because that is enabling."She also talked about the importance of child proofing your home. Just like when you have kids in your house you childproof, when you are serious about a healthy diet, you shouldn't have tempting foods in your house. She has kept a food journal since Biggest Loser and credits a lot of her success to that tool. Everyone who participated received a pink wrist band to remind us we are responsible for our choices. Be they good or be they bad, we are responsible. I will let you know I am a little concerned about tomorrow. My legs are ON FIRE! I had never watched an episode of Biggest Loser. My sister had told me a lot about the show. I had blown it off. The season Ali was on was my first season watching and I am now an addict. Ali has always been an inspiration to me. Today I worked out with one of my fitness idols. VERY exciting. Thanks Belinda for finding this opportunity!