Celebrate Good Times Come On!!! Tonight I was at the gym early before my session with Trainer so I thought I would "warm up". I did five minutes on the elliptical and then some stretching. Thought I would give the treadmill a try. I did my quickest mile to date. I must say when I realized this was a possibility I cranked the treadmill up and was running pretty fast to come in at the time I wanted. My goal is to shave three minutes off of this by the end of the summer. It's going to require some intense mind over matter, self talking type therapy, but I can do this. It's a state of mind.
I took a week off from the gym. Do you know what an IT band is? I didn't until about six weeks ago. The iliotibial (IT) band is a tough group of fibers that run along the outside of your thigh. Your butt muscles attach to the top and it goes to just below the knee. Mine are really really tight. Because of this, I have low back pain, knee pain, groin pain, and hamstring pain. My massage therapist and chiropractor have been working on them to help loosen things up. My husband has been GREAT about helping me stretch every night. The left side has been far worse than the right side. In addition to stretching there has been lots of ice involved which isn't so bad in the summer.
Last Thursday I met with Trainer and I was in a funk. I'm aspiring to be a school principal. There have been very few jobs open this year. Two within driving distance to be exact. It came down to me and another candidate for one of the positions. I had three incredible interviews. One of those interviews was with eight people. I had them laughing in minutes. I know you are shocked. Anyway, right before my workout I found out I didn't get the job. I'm pretty tough and told myself this was "meant to be" and "God has a different plan". Now let me just tell you...in our workout history, there have been very few times...maybe only one or two to be exact...that I have refused to do what Trainer has told me to do. I have argued and whined, but I don't refuse. I figure he is the expert and if he tells me to do something I better figure it out. Thursday night I found myself refusing to do what he told me at the very beginning of the workout. He figured out a different plan which was very challenging. About half way through the workout I said, "I know why I never refuse to do what you tell me to. If I do, you make everything else way harder." According to him the jumping on and off a running treadmill is something I've done before. I have...I just don't remember doing it when the treadmill was going that fast. He wanted to know what was different and I started to cry and said "I felt like a loser when I walked in here tonight." I made a quick recovery and started jumping rope. I mean I can't have a complete break down on the poor guy. He puts up with enough from me. However, he was very compassionate and encouraging. He has counselor skills. I'm not kidding. My point in sharing this story is that I was not aware of how that defeat was going to affect my performance. I really thought I was okay. And it wasn't even that first thing I refused to do...the whole night I struggled with everything. Working out is not just about going through the motions...you have to have your head in the game. It's a state of mind.
(By the way...I do realize my time will come for administration and I'm really okay now. I just hadn't had time to process the initial disappointment before my workout.)
This summer has started off soooo busy. I'm teaching summer school which I LOVE. (My students know all about Trainer Mike because I have them during the school year and I've come in very sore a couple of times. After a night of doing squats and lunges, one shouldn't try and sit on the floor for a community circle and think one is going to get right back up without a grunt or a groan. Just sayin. I've also had them do math problems regarding my workouts. Now they ask me what I'm eating for lunch and want to know what I had for breakfast to make sure I'm on track. They are soooo cute!) I'm having a difficult time getting started on comps. However, I did get going this weekend. I just have to keep up the momentum. The deal is I've been struggling to get in a groove on anything. I've dreaded going to the gym which is unusual for me. I just can't find time to finish anything. Tonight my running success was just what I needed to get me wanting more. This was a place I needed to find...and now that I have...WATCH OUT!!! I'm in the state of mind.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
It's the Real Deal
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed the only thing you wanted to do was cry? That's me this week. Not enough time to get everything finished I need to get finished or started. Comps are due August 31 and I haven't started. I haven't even met with my group the last two Wednesdays. Stephanie, if you are reading this you have to hold me accountable for this week. I have to get started on this. When I think about it I sorta freak out. I do not know where to begin. I can't even get organized to start.
I'm also trying to finish out one school year and start summer school. I had a complete crying break down in my office yesterday afternoon and just kept crying all night. I couldn't stop. It's not only that I am behind and can't get caught up. It's a situation with one of my students that has broken my heart. I want to snap my fingers and make it all better and I can't. Add to that a friend who lost her mind with me. She has taken on this attitude with me and others over the last few weeks. I've been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but yesterday she said some things about me that weren't true and she said them to a group of people. Sooo... Bunchy don't have time or patience for middle school drama. Movin on!!!
Tonight I almost started crying when working out with Trainer Mike. Partially because he made me run up that big hill 6 times and I thought I was going to puke and partially because I am so frustrated with the stupid scale. He says not to worry about it that we are focusing on inches. How can I not look at the number on the scale? He will ask my weight. I did get a nice and I mean very nice lecture on only getting on the scale every other Monday morning. The deal is the scales went up 4 pounds this week. Mike says it's salt and water. He said, "Not pooping can cause you to gain three pounds." He says not to be worried, but I said with tears in my eyes "I'm not going to make my goal for my birthday." Then I just left the gym. Guess I need to work harder. It always seems like I need to work harder. It never seems like I'm doing enough. Tears are coming again.
We started this new diet last week. Carbs were added back in. Very limited carbs. Wanna hear the ironic part? A couple of weeks ago when I was an emotional eater...now I'm so stressed I have to force myself to eat. WHY WHY WHY does eating have to be an everyday struggle for me??? I love the gym. It's my escape. A whole year with my trainer and I still struggle with eating. I need it to be not so difficult. I think it feels even more challenging right now because of everything else going on.
So last Sunday's workout left me sore for several days. I'm actually going for a visit with my massage therapist tomorrow. I went to my chiropractor earlier this week and she said, "What in the world have you done?" Me: "I do not have a clue." It's my low back, knee, and shoulder. I really can't wait to see Rita tomorrow. Most of the week I have been in pain and using ice.
Running the hill tonight reminded me how much workouts in nice weather can suck. I have to get better at the hill. I was mad because it was so hard for me. UGH! We followed running with lifting with some heavy weights. I nearly bit it with floor presses. Tonight was a night in the gym when I didn't feel like I could do anything right. Usually I walk away from a workout with Trainer feeling like I kicked it, but tonight I just didn't feel that way. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Interesting...
I try to keep this blog real, but fun and positive. Tonight it was real. I do admit. I'm struggling. I can't pretend everything is okay when it's not.
I'm also trying to finish out one school year and start summer school. I had a complete crying break down in my office yesterday afternoon and just kept crying all night. I couldn't stop. It's not only that I am behind and can't get caught up. It's a situation with one of my students that has broken my heart. I want to snap my fingers and make it all better and I can't. Add to that a friend who lost her mind with me. She has taken on this attitude with me and others over the last few weeks. I've been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but yesterday she said some things about me that weren't true and she said them to a group of people. Sooo... Bunchy don't have time or patience for middle school drama. Movin on!!!
Tonight I almost started crying when working out with Trainer Mike. Partially because he made me run up that big hill 6 times and I thought I was going to puke and partially because I am so frustrated with the stupid scale. He says not to worry about it that we are focusing on inches. How can I not look at the number on the scale? He will ask my weight. I did get a nice and I mean very nice lecture on only getting on the scale every other Monday morning. The deal is the scales went up 4 pounds this week. Mike says it's salt and water. He said, "Not pooping can cause you to gain three pounds." He says not to be worried, but I said with tears in my eyes "I'm not going to make my goal for my birthday." Then I just left the gym. Guess I need to work harder. It always seems like I need to work harder. It never seems like I'm doing enough. Tears are coming again.
We started this new diet last week. Carbs were added back in. Very limited carbs. Wanna hear the ironic part? A couple of weeks ago when I was an emotional eater...now I'm so stressed I have to force myself to eat. WHY WHY WHY does eating have to be an everyday struggle for me??? I love the gym. It's my escape. A whole year with my trainer and I still struggle with eating. I need it to be not so difficult. I think it feels even more challenging right now because of everything else going on.
So last Sunday's workout left me sore for several days. I'm actually going for a visit with my massage therapist tomorrow. I went to my chiropractor earlier this week and she said, "What in the world have you done?" Me: "I do not have a clue." It's my low back, knee, and shoulder. I really can't wait to see Rita tomorrow. Most of the week I have been in pain and using ice.
Running the hill tonight reminded me how much workouts in nice weather can suck. I have to get better at the hill. I was mad because it was so hard for me. UGH! We followed running with lifting with some heavy weights. I nearly bit it with floor presses. Tonight was a night in the gym when I didn't feel like I could do anything right. Usually I walk away from a workout with Trainer feeling like I kicked it, but tonight I just didn't feel that way. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Interesting...
I try to keep this blog real, but fun and positive. Tonight it was real. I do admit. I'm struggling. I can't pretend everything is okay when it's not.
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