The Intimidator

I can't promise this will be the only time I write about being intimidated cuz lots of things intimidate this girl. Tonight I was at the gym and did cardio for thirty minutes trying to forget the stress of this day. Okay maybe this week. Let me digress from the workout for a moment and fill you in on my stressors.

I'm a school counselor. Last year I had 7 students lose a parent from five different families. It was draining. Additionally, we had several families with students who lost grandparents. I was also aware that my uncle could die at any time. He did die this summer. Last Friday a dad with five kids died of a brain anyeurism. He was a stay at home dad and volunteered at our school all of the time. No matter how hard I try to build a barrier between me and my feelings regarding death it is looming. It drains me emotionally and then I become stressed. Okay...moving back to the workout...

Finished my thirty minutes on the elliptical, ticked off the whole time because I need to be running on the treadmill, but my foot isn't quite there yet. EEEERRRR! Oh the stupidity of being Tammy. Anyway, as I was wiping the elliptical down I caught a glimpse of this woman I had never seen before. I had to do some self talk "Tammy, it would be rude if you stare." So I went to do abs and put myself in a position where I was looking at her. The only words I know to use for this woman are that she is built. And the men in the gym knew it too. Never once has someone offered to help me when I am using free weights. These men were all about making sure she had what she needed.

I'm referring to this hard body woman as an intimidator because she is to me. I would not set foot over in the free weights because she was over there. I've been making progress, but now in my head it isn't enough progress because I don't look like her. As a matter of fact she was probably thinking...honey, you've got a long way to go. The counselor in me realizes this is probably not rational thinking, but I can't help it. I've always been intimidated by women who have their fitness groove on and attract every male eye within a 50 mile radius.

I guess it gives me more motivation to work harder. Michael and I haven't met since Saturday morning and I wasn't on my A game because of my foot. Don't think for a second he didn't challenge me...he doesn't know how not to challenge me. But because I couldn't give it my all I feel like it wasn't a real workout. That combined with the death of the parent at our school and starting a new job have me feeling grouchy and irritable. I can't shake it. I want to be at the gym now because I never feel like I do enough.