Today Michael made me start out on the scale. I really don't like it when he does that. I only let the nurse at the dr's office see my weight. Well I guess that was how it used to be because now Mr. Trainer knows too. However, I could have hugged him. As a matter of fact I did almost hug him. I had to stop myself. Because...I was down 6 pounds in a week and a half. Yes, 6 pounds. Michael says its because of the running and I know he's right so I'm going to have to keep it up.
I needed all of the adrenaline that was pumping because Michael and I went outside after that to run up a long hill. Actually, I ran and he timed me. Funny thing is...I never asked him what my time was. We did that three times and then I had to sprint up a small hill three times. And then we lunged the entire parking lot. Okay...not we...I lunged and he walked and coached me all the way.
We finally got to go inside where there was air conditioning because it is July in Missouri and it is hotter than heck outside. It was time for squats. I almost cried. Actually, I think a tear escaped my eye. I was squatting with weight on my back. And just when I was about to die Michael put his hands behind me and told me that I had to go lower. Can you hear the whining in my voice?
What my readers need to understand is that while I'm enduring this torture and trying to hold this barbell on my back and squat low enough, Michael is smiling. Today he told me I was a good experiment. I've never been compared to a guinea pig before. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Yes, he says I'm an experiment because he tells me to do something and I do it. I guess not all clients work this way. I just want to get healthy and he's the guru so he says squat and I say how low?
We had to do dead lifts next followed by pushups followed by dead lifts followed by pushups followed by dead lifts followed by pushups. More whining. Next we did some arm stuff and another tear escaped. It hurt so bad. Michael's daughter, Amy, had joined us today. She was encouraging me. She is such a sweety. His wife was there too and I told her that if I died today it had been nice knowing her.
And just when you thought you were done lunging for the day because you had lunged the parking lot? Not so much...we lunged in the gym. Amy did it with me. Can I tell you that her legs are really long, she's really young, and she can get her butt to almost touch the floor? It's sick. I am going to try and get my butt that low to the floor. That is going to be a goal of mine. We finished our work out by playing catch with a medicine ball. Michael was standing and I was crunching. My legs are already sore. Really sore. Can't wait to feel what tomorrow brings.
Today's workout was really challenging. Michael has decided we need to take it to the next level. I'm scared, but lovin every minute of it!
Oh and now I'm down here in Columbia for a few more days...stopped in Concordia on the way and had a nice ice cream cone at this little dive. Michael, my blood sugar was dropping...I had to do something...iz all good!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Among other things...running
A lot has happened since I was last on here. I thought I could keep up while in Columbia, but it hasn't happened. My uncle did lose his fight to cancer. He isn't suffering anymore and for that I am thankful. My dad isn't doing so great with this loss and I worry about him. I've been working out harder in order to try and relieve stress. It's been helping. Here are some highlights since I last wrote...
One bright Saturday, Michael says, "When we first started working out you said you don't like to look in the mirror?" "Yep, that's what I said." "That must mean you don't like other people to look at you." Please know he is saying this and walking toward the door. "Today you're going to run outside so everyone can see you." I'm not going to type in here what went in through my head because my mom reads this blog, but it wasn't church words if you know what I mean. I ran, lunged, did some other things that I've seen in football movies and then did a series of lunges and pushups (5 lunges...drop do a push up...repeat). I have to say that by the end I was more concerned about dying of a heart attack than the people driving up and down the highway watching me. I had suspected before, but on this day I became sure that Michael was in my head! SCARY!
Last Sunday, Michael said, "You're going to run for five minutes." However, once I got on the treadmill he changed it to a mile. He stood right beside me, I stopped twice to walk and try and keep my lungs from exploding, but I ran a mile. Almost a week later and I am still shocked, but I'm also really proud. My homework assignment was to run at least three miles during the week. I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. My trainer decided it was such an accomplishment that I should do four miles...seriously? Make up your mind...then my sister posts that we should run an annual 5k we do every October. Her thought is that if i am running a mile now, in July...then in October I'll be able to do three. Well...you know who saw this post??? Yep, Michael the trainer and he thought it was a GREAT idea. On Monday, I called my sister and said, "So when are you going to start running?" She started laughing and said she had just thought of that that morning. We'll see if she'll be running with me or not...it's my new goal.
One of my roommates in Columbia has been coming up with strategies for things I could do to be able to tell that I'm getting smaller. She can totally tell. However, this week I have been able to tell a difference for sure. And more importantly??? I walked out of the bedroom this morning, dressed to go interview my superintendent and my husband said, "Wow!" i thought he was watching tv...nope...today he said, "I can see it now. I can really see how much you're losing." Might I say it made me more than a little bit happy. I'm totally doing this for the health benefits and the way it makes me feel, but when your husband notices...it makes you feel even a little bit better!
One bright Saturday, Michael says, "When we first started working out you said you don't like to look in the mirror?" "Yep, that's what I said." "That must mean you don't like other people to look at you." Please know he is saying this and walking toward the door. "Today you're going to run outside so everyone can see you." I'm not going to type in here what went in through my head because my mom reads this blog, but it wasn't church words if you know what I mean. I ran, lunged, did some other things that I've seen in football movies and then did a series of lunges and pushups (5 lunges...drop do a push up...repeat). I have to say that by the end I was more concerned about dying of a heart attack than the people driving up and down the highway watching me. I had suspected before, but on this day I became sure that Michael was in my head! SCARY!
Last Sunday, Michael said, "You're going to run for five minutes." However, once I got on the treadmill he changed it to a mile. He stood right beside me, I stopped twice to walk and try and keep my lungs from exploding, but I ran a mile. Almost a week later and I am still shocked, but I'm also really proud. My homework assignment was to run at least three miles during the week. I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. My trainer decided it was such an accomplishment that I should do four miles...seriously? Make up your mind...then my sister posts that we should run an annual 5k we do every October. Her thought is that if i am running a mile now, in July...then in October I'll be able to do three. Well...you know who saw this post??? Yep, Michael the trainer and he thought it was a GREAT idea. On Monday, I called my sister and said, "So when are you going to start running?" She started laughing and said she had just thought of that that morning. We'll see if she'll be running with me or not...it's my new goal.
One of my roommates in Columbia has been coming up with strategies for things I could do to be able to tell that I'm getting smaller. She can totally tell. However, this week I have been able to tell a difference for sure. And more importantly??? I walked out of the bedroom this morning, dressed to go interview my superintendent and my husband said, "Wow!" i thought he was watching tv...nope...today he said, "I can see it now. I can really see how much you're losing." Might I say it made me more than a little bit happy. I'm totally doing this for the health benefits and the way it makes me feel, but when your husband notices...it makes you feel even a little bit better!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Waiting...
Parts of this post will be humorous I assure you. It's my nature. However, I'm writing this at a time of grief. There...that's your warning.
On December 29th, 2008 my grandma passed away. She had been sick for a long time and it all happened so beautifully that we were all sad, but at peace. At the services my uncle had a scary cough. I was nagging him to go to the doctor because my senses said he had pneumonia. He had been on disability since the spring before when he had to have his SECOND heart valve transplant and his medicaid wasn't going to kick in for a few more months. Bueracracy! In March of 2009 he woke up one morning and didn't know who he was or where he was. He was dizzy and had a major headache as well as the cough. My aunt drove him to the ER. He was admitted to the hospital and in four days later found out he had stage four lung cancer which had spread to his brain. He was given 10 months at the most. He underwent some chemo and radiation to buy some time.
During this extended time Homer and my aunt cleaned out their house and bought a trailer. On a cold October weekend our family helped run a garage sale to try and earn them some money by selling many of their possessions. The next weekend my uncle ended up back in the hospital with a stomach infection which required surgery. He was in the hospital for over a week. By the time he came home we had spent another weekend moving what remained of their possessions to the trailer. Since November of 2009 it has been a slow and steady decline of Homer's health.
In April I had the honor of going and picking him up to take him to a family reunion. We joked all the way there and all the way back. You see...my sense of humor and nack for practical joking was inherited from my uncle and my dad. It was weird for me to see him with a walker, but he joked about it and all was good. That really is the final memory I will cherish of my uncle as I knew him. I thank God that my aunt was unable to attend and I had that time.
Last week my sister and I went to see our uncle. The hospital bed had been moved in. He said to us, "I'm having a hard time getting going this morning." That was all. He was dozing in and out. We stayed about thirty minutes and left. As we walked to the car Sandy said, "That was bad."
Yesterday morning my mom called and told me not to be without my phone things were going downhill quickly. In the afternoon I went and met my mom, Sandy, my dad, my grandpa and my other aunt at the house. I could not believe the change that had occurred since Saturday. I hope eventually the visual will leave my head, but right now it is all I can think about. My dad sat with tears in his eyes. Let me say that for the last year...my dad has been at my uncle's house almost every day. I have prayed for words to come to me to say to my dad, but I'm at a loss. Oh because here is another key factor. Last month we found out that Grandpa's prostate cancer had spread to his bones so he has underwent radiation in the last few weeks. How unfair is this? Really? I continually pray that my dad will have strength and not have a heart attack or something from stress. Yesterday, I'm looking at my uncle and praying that he does not feel the suffering that we can see, I'm watching my dad with tears in his eyes, and my grandpa says, "When my mom was sick, I prayed that God would end her suffering and he took her home the next day. When my wife was sick, I prayed that God would end her suffering and the next morning she went home to be with the Lord. I can't bring myself to pray that for my son."
So last night when it was time to go workout I decided I wanted to skip the gym and go walking through the woods. I needed time alone. I didn't judge the amount of daylight I had left. I also paid no attention to the trail maps or where I was going. I just started walking very briskly. I was crying from sadness and from anger. I just kept walking. I came face to face with a deer. I was standing in a field. I had no idea how I got there. Now it wasn't completely dark in the field, but as I was turning in circles trying to figure out where the car might be I realized I was going to have to back track and that meant going back through the woods which WERE dark. I have to say for 20 minutes I didn't think of my uncle or my family. My heart was racing more from being lost than walking briskly. And let me just tell you...I've watched a lot of suspenseful horror movies in my 38 years. I've also read a lot of true crime novels. Women get attacked in the woods all the time! After twenty minutes of walking through the dark woods I cam eback to the path which led me to my car.
I came home and forced myself to work on homework. I fell asleep sometime between 12:30 and 1:00 only to have a nightmare that I was still lost in the woods. I fell back asleep and woke up with another nightmare of being held hostage. In between I woke up every hour to check the time and the phone because I was worried I had missed a call. I hit the gym rather aggressively this morning and am now trying to get my to do list completed. It's challenging to go about your daily activities at a time like this.
In the amount of time it has taken me to write this post, the ambulance has come and moved my uncle to Hospice House. It's ironic to me that we've been waiting for a bed to open since yesterday afternoon. That means that another family has suffered a loss. Cancer sucks. It sucks really bad.
My hope is that even though the words have never been spoken...my uncle knows what a pinnacle of my life he has been and how much I love him. I have always known how much he has loved me. I just hope he has known. I also pray that his suffering ends very soon.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
-- Gilda Radner
On December 29th, 2008 my grandma passed away. She had been sick for a long time and it all happened so beautifully that we were all sad, but at peace. At the services my uncle had a scary cough. I was nagging him to go to the doctor because my senses said he had pneumonia. He had been on disability since the spring before when he had to have his SECOND heart valve transplant and his medicaid wasn't going to kick in for a few more months. Bueracracy! In March of 2009 he woke up one morning and didn't know who he was or where he was. He was dizzy and had a major headache as well as the cough. My aunt drove him to the ER. He was admitted to the hospital and in four days later found out he had stage four lung cancer which had spread to his brain. He was given 10 months at the most. He underwent some chemo and radiation to buy some time.
During this extended time Homer and my aunt cleaned out their house and bought a trailer. On a cold October weekend our family helped run a garage sale to try and earn them some money by selling many of their possessions. The next weekend my uncle ended up back in the hospital with a stomach infection which required surgery. He was in the hospital for over a week. By the time he came home we had spent another weekend moving what remained of their possessions to the trailer. Since November of 2009 it has been a slow and steady decline of Homer's health.
In April I had the honor of going and picking him up to take him to a family reunion. We joked all the way there and all the way back. You see...my sense of humor and nack for practical joking was inherited from my uncle and my dad. It was weird for me to see him with a walker, but he joked about it and all was good. That really is the final memory I will cherish of my uncle as I knew him. I thank God that my aunt was unable to attend and I had that time.
Last week my sister and I went to see our uncle. The hospital bed had been moved in. He said to us, "I'm having a hard time getting going this morning." That was all. He was dozing in and out. We stayed about thirty minutes and left. As we walked to the car Sandy said, "That was bad."
Yesterday morning my mom called and told me not to be without my phone things were going downhill quickly. In the afternoon I went and met my mom, Sandy, my dad, my grandpa and my other aunt at the house. I could not believe the change that had occurred since Saturday. I hope eventually the visual will leave my head, but right now it is all I can think about. My dad sat with tears in his eyes. Let me say that for the last year...my dad has been at my uncle's house almost every day. I have prayed for words to come to me to say to my dad, but I'm at a loss. Oh because here is another key factor. Last month we found out that Grandpa's prostate cancer had spread to his bones so he has underwent radiation in the last few weeks. How unfair is this? Really? I continually pray that my dad will have strength and not have a heart attack or something from stress. Yesterday, I'm looking at my uncle and praying that he does not feel the suffering that we can see, I'm watching my dad with tears in his eyes, and my grandpa says, "When my mom was sick, I prayed that God would end her suffering and he took her home the next day. When my wife was sick, I prayed that God would end her suffering and the next morning she went home to be with the Lord. I can't bring myself to pray that for my son."
So last night when it was time to go workout I decided I wanted to skip the gym and go walking through the woods. I needed time alone. I didn't judge the amount of daylight I had left. I also paid no attention to the trail maps or where I was going. I just started walking very briskly. I was crying from sadness and from anger. I just kept walking. I came face to face with a deer. I was standing in a field. I had no idea how I got there. Now it wasn't completely dark in the field, but as I was turning in circles trying to figure out where the car might be I realized I was going to have to back track and that meant going back through the woods which WERE dark. I have to say for 20 minutes I didn't think of my uncle or my family. My heart was racing more from being lost than walking briskly. And let me just tell you...I've watched a lot of suspenseful horror movies in my 38 years. I've also read a lot of true crime novels. Women get attacked in the woods all the time! After twenty minutes of walking through the dark woods I cam eback to the path which led me to my car.
I came home and forced myself to work on homework. I fell asleep sometime between 12:30 and 1:00 only to have a nightmare that I was still lost in the woods. I fell back asleep and woke up with another nightmare of being held hostage. In between I woke up every hour to check the time and the phone because I was worried I had missed a call. I hit the gym rather aggressively this morning and am now trying to get my to do list completed. It's challenging to go about your daily activities at a time like this.
In the amount of time it has taken me to write this post, the ambulance has come and moved my uncle to Hospice House. It's ironic to me that we've been waiting for a bed to open since yesterday afternoon. That means that another family has suffered a loss. Cancer sucks. It sucks really bad.
My hope is that even though the words have never been spoken...my uncle knows what a pinnacle of my life he has been and how much I love him. I have always known how much he has loved me. I just hope he has known. I also pray that his suffering ends very soon.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
-- Gilda Radner
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